`It is difficult as busy parents to always find time to listen to our children, especially if they are little chatterboxes! However, listening to them makes them feel valued and helps their development in so many ways. It also helps us to understand how they see the world, what they might be finding hard and what they might be feeling.
Crucially, it has also been shown that if children trust us to listen to the little things, they will share the big stuff with us as well. But there are so many things that can easily get in the way of us listening to our children, no matter how well-intentioned we are. I wonder what the biggest barriers are for you?
We did an exercise in Week 3 of Families Connect where some parents deliberately (and secretly) tried to be ‘bad listeners’, as others parents excitedly talked about something important to them. Despite brainstorming all the nasty things we might do to be bad listeners, the thought of being rude and hurtful made it really hard to pull off! Because we all know what it feels like when we aren’t being listened to, and we all know what to look for in a ‘good listener’.
Our children are no exception. Yet we realised during the exercise, that we can sometimes ignore them more easily than we would an adult, even a stranger! So, what can help us to be a good listener for our children:
• Finding the right time – try to listen when we can but if we cannot give our attention (e.g. when we are reverse parallel parking!) it’s fine to say we want to listen, explain why we cannot at that time and when we will listen, and live up to that promise
• Show we are interested – words of encouragement are good but tone of voice and body language make a far greater impact
• Be encouraging – eye contact, focused attention, affirmative words etc all help to encourage our children to share with us
• Don’t be dismissive – even if things seem trivial to us, they are important enough for our children to want to talk about them
• Ask open questions – these have longer answers and encourage more talk
All of these pretty simple tips can help us to listen carefully to our children, a small investment that really can make a huge impact on how valued they feel.