Losing someone in your life can be difficult. Grief can be a reaction to this loss. Whilst often associated with death, grief can also come from any type of loss.
Grief is a completely normal reaction and everyone experiences it differently. Some people do not show many apparent signs of grieving, whilst for others this can be much more visible. How we react to grief can depend on factors such as age, culture, beliefs etc. There could be a number of emotions the result from grief. Below are some examples:
Fear Anger Anxiety
Guilt Sadness Withdrawal
Denial Regression
Grief often doesn’t follow a timetable, or a linear process, it can be cyclical (repeating itself) and differ from person to person.
Talking about Loss
Whilst some people find it easy and comforting to talk about loss, others may find this challenging, or might not be ready to do this. Some people may want to talk about it but don’t know how to. There can be many ways to express feelings of grief such as: writing, drawing, poetry/songs, arts and crafts.
What can be helpful?
A Harvard study of child bereavement suggested the following things are important to young people who have experienced loss: in the grief process identified the main needs of grieving children[1].
Information
There may be lots of questions about a loss. Seeking information about the loss that is appropriate for developmental stage and age can be an important part in understanding the grief process.
Reassurance
A death or loss can make some people feel unsafe. Others might blame themselves. Talking to a trusted adult can help reassure young people about these fears and anxieties.
Being listened to
It is important for any young person experiencing loss that they have a key trusted adult that they can open up to. Being able to voice fears and worries, and being listened to, can help make sense of what has happened.
Validation
It is important for young people experiencing grief to have their feelings validated. Grief is a normal reaction and young people need to feel that their feelings are recognised and respected. Sometimes this involves overwhelming feelings. Activities such as drawing, sculpting, writing, exercise, music can be important outlets for these intense emotions.
Routine and rituals
Loss and bereavement can be disruptive. Grieving rituals might interfere with routines. Some young people chose not to be involved in these rituals whilst others look to be included. If ready, maintaining previous interests or clubs can maintain familiarity.
Opportunities to remember
Acts of commemoration, keeping physical objects / collection, and conversations about the loss can help keep special memories of the person.
[1]Adapted from: Worden, W. (1996) ‘Children and Grief: When a Parent Dies’ The Guilford Press
Who Can help?
In almost all situations the best people to support a young person through grief are those closest to them. This might be a key trusted adult e.g. an adult that they are close to, who can support them, and who they feel comfortable to ask for help. For some young people this may be a parent or family members, for others it may be a teacher or an adult in the community e.g. sports coach or a club organiser. If feelings of grief persist and additional help is needed, then the GP could suggest further steps for support.
More information on grief and bereavement can be found on the Young Minds Website:
