One day I was playing at the beach with my cousin and my brother because it was very sunny. Then I felt the tips of my fingers starting to freeze and suddenly the temperature dropped and everything went dark and cold. So I went up to my tent and I was looking out the door trying to find the the sun. It was nowhere to be seen and I started to get worried and then it went all bright again and then I realised it was just the clouds covering the sun so I went back out to play.
Good idea having a mysterious darkness take over but my class agree that you need to use another connective or think about your commas or semi colons instead of overusing ‘and’.
Sam liked how you described ‘how’ it went cold and ‘how’ it went dark!
Hello Connor,
What a lovely idea to describe the effects of the sun on a cloudy day. Your use of the challenge prompt is particularly effective. In fact that whole sentence could be used as a super opener for a much longer piece of writing.
Thank you for sharing your work with the 100WC.
Mrs Shaw (Team 100WC)