Burravoe Primary School

Charlotte’s 100 Word Challenge 9

| 9 Comments

Hi my name is Lola,

I live in Cornwall with my mum, dad and
my brother. “Lola, dinner!” shouted mum from downstairs. “Coming Mum!” I answered
back as I rushed downstairs as I was coming near the last step my brother shoved me out of the way. “Hey look where you are going!” I shouted. “I don’t care I am just hungry!” After dinner I had a piece of chocolate while I was eating dad announced that we were moving to America. “America!” I shouted. I left my chocolate bar and went upstairs. I won’t let mum take me to America!


9 Comments

  1. Thank you everyone for such wonderful comments!

  2. Dear Charlotte,
    You did a really good job.I liked in the end how you said you wont let your mom take you to
    America .That was funny. Keep up the good work!

    sincerely Ariana

  3. Dear Charlotte,
    YOU
    America is awesome!Our schools are fabulous!Why don’t you want to come?You can post to your friends

    Bye,

    Suraj

  4. Dear Charlotte,

    You should come to America. It is awesome!!!:):):) The schools here are very good.I think everything here is good. I would never say no to America!

    Sincerely,
    Srinivas

  5. dear charlotte

    What the crowd wants to know is did move to the U.S.A. And I love that detail.Did you know in the U.S.A. we say mum mom.

  6. Very good Charlotte have you ever expearienced moving countries?
    Please can you make more stories for me to read.

  7. Hi Charlotte
    I enjoyed reading your writing. The way you describe Lola\’s brother out of the way sounds just like something a brother would do. You have used speech marks well, next time you need to balance the speech out with a bit more description.

  8. Dear Charlotte,
    Well done, I really enjoyed reading your 100 word challenge It was a great idea. Well done for using speech and I like the way you used shouted and answered rather than just saying said all the time. Maybe you could have used some time connectives to open your sentences. I like the way in the very end that the fact was you were going to live in America. At the end you did not want to go, maybe you could use a retorical question! Yet well done for using an exclamation mark!
    from Anna
    at
    http://www.6d2012.highlawnprimary.net

  9. Dear Charlotte,
    I really like you 100 WC. I like how you have used some speech, but not just keep saying, ‘said’ all the time. I also, really like how you have put, ‘Hi my name is Lola,’ at the start, and introduced the character, to the reader. Maybe next time, you could use some Adverbs, to open some of your sentances. Visit us at
    http://www.6d2012.highlawnprimary.net
    From Julia

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