Burravoe Primary School

Leah’s 100wc day 9

| 11 Comments

The monster ate the cake on the plate. It was a girls birthday cake for the next day. The girl woke up and saw her birthday cake. The girl was upset. All that is left is crumbs it is dinner time! So the girl went down stairs. She made a big cake out of crumbs. I wonder if  a giants monster would come back so the girl went back to bed. The monster went in the house onommmmonoo. So the girl crept in very quiet shh she got a net got you she said no said the monster. It was morning happy birthday.


11 Comments

  1. Brilliant story Leah!
    Keep upi the good work!!!!!

  2. I will try to look out for more of your writing Leah. Thank you, too, for your reply!

  3. Thank you

  4. Leah, this is a super story for the 100WC with a clear beginning, middle and ending. You have used capital letters and full stops for complete sentences so that the story is easy to read and makes sense and you have begun to use exclamation marks well too.
    You have used speech a little here so to make your writing even better you need to begin to use speech marks too, so your sentence should read:
    “Got you!” she said.
    “No!” said the monster.

    How very unkind the monster was. I think that you have a lovely imagination, just right for a story teller, so keep on reading, keep on writing and thank you for sharing your super story for the 100WC. I really enjoyed reading it.

  5. We think it was good but we think that you shouldn’t of started with the monster ate the cake

  6. I like when the monster said no and said happy birthday.

  7. Lovely writing, Leah.
    I know I’d get upset if my chocolate went missing!
    Very nice sentences. With more words, you can introduce the girl with a name. Check your speech (punctuation) near the end.

    Keep up the good work!

  8. Brilliant story. I bet it was a good chocolate cake!

  9. Oh that monster didn’t sound very nice eating all that cake!
    Lovely little story, Welldone!
    Keep up the good writing Leah!!

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