Burravoe Primary School

Melissa’s 100 WC

| 8 Comments

We were just stitting down to dinner when a boy came to our house.  I showed him to my room the boy was happy because I was a member of the sports club. The boy and I was practising running. Mum asked are you practising your running for tomorrow. Yes! mum. Where’s my pair of shoes i asked. I thought you put them in your room said mum.  I thought you would know where i put my shoes. You should tidy your room. Ok i said. Hey! Boy do you what to tidy my room OK said my boy friend. So we tidied up my bedroom. I’m happy.


8 Comments

  1. Dear Melissa,
    Your 100 Wc story is very interesting, Well that stranger boy and you were you two doing soccer? Because I’m very interested in that you two doing soccer. Was he nice ? are 2 friends? 🙂
    Have Fun!

    Sincerely,
    Cecilia

  2. Hi Melissa

    I think you have used a good number of verbs
    It is a happy story!
    Was the boy a stranger in the story

    From Mia 🙂

  3. Hi Melissa!

    Thanks for entering the 100 word challenge!

    * You have used interesting verbs – “asked” and “practice”!
    * You have used a great connective – “because”!
    * You have tried hard to use speech in your story
    w: Try to include some adjectives to add interest for the reader!

    Hope to see you next week!

    Miss Windsor (Team 100WC)

  4. Hi Melissa!

    Your story was lovely, it was a good story, why were you practicing your running? You need to have a look at your capital letters and your spelling though.

    Well done!

  5. Hello Melissa,
    Great Work!
    Was this boy a stranger in your story?
    In the sentence Where’s my pair of shoes you need a captil I. But everything else is fine well done!
    From Charlotte

  6. Good descriptive paragraph. I like reading vast action stories, do you think you could add some action to this writing?

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