Burravoe Primary School

Collaborative Roman Story (from rich person’s point of view)

| 3 Comments

Being a Rich Person

A long time ago, 2000 years ago, in a villa lived a rich person called Brydon and slave called Lucy. “Bring me a drink of water” commanded Brydon. So Lucy got him a drink of water and he drunk it. The slave was very good at working.

 Lucy was commanded to clean the whole Villa in 10 Minuits, but there was too big to clean in ten Minuits. “You need 12 slaves to do this” panted Lucy. As a punishment Lucy was whipped with a stick and had to fix the door to the bedroom.

 Brydon was laying mosaics and Lucy was mixing the mortar, made from lime stone, with no shoes!

 Once he had finished a there was a bubbling noise coming from the bathroom. It was the bath flooding, so Brydon shoved Lucy in to investigate. aaaaarrr BLOSH! Brydon chucked in a block of led and Lucy put it in the hole. Brydon sat on the low bit of the roof and Lucy spotted him. Lucy yelled for him to come down. So he jumped down with the intention to hit Lucy but misses and fell in the bath. BLOSH! Lucy laughed like a pig. So Brydon picked her up and fired into the mud.

So Lucy had to clean the whole bathroom and herself while Brydon slept peacefully. Lucy sprayed Brydon, while he was asleep, in mud and ran, ran, ran away through fields and jamp over walls but she ran out of puff and was so tired she pulled herself back to Brydon. When Lucy came back Brydon was so mad that Lucy couldn’t eat until the whole villa was spotless.

 “And that concludes our 2000 year old story and she had to clean the villa in 40 minuts plus 1 second ”      

Some of it does not make sense like “but there was too big to clean in 10 minutes” and “the slave was very good at doing”. LB

I checked myself and those bits don’t make sense so I changed them and I think the story line was good. BS

I thought your story was excellent I especially like when you throw Lucy in the gutter I couldn’t find any mistakes but next time you could find out more fact and put it in but you don’t have to. JR


3 Comments

  1. I like thes story it is good and funy.

  2. I thought the storyline was good too; if you had more time I think you would have strengthened the 2nd to last paragraph which isn’t as historically believable as some of the story! I like the last line. I think the idea of collaborating on stories so you get 2 points of view is a really good one and something you should try again – next time I think it might be more effective if you wrote in the first person so we get 2 points of view.

    Thank you for printing the peer feedback as well 🙂

  3. Its very clever that you and Lucy did a collaborative story together! Did you do anything good at school today when I wasn’t there?
    Cheers xx
    Kay

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