Throughout my childhood, I noticed a divide between boys and girls. From first thing in the morning when we were called to line up, the divide was noticeable. Boys stood at one side, girls at the other. The girls are asked to go first and boys are expected to respect this and follow behind. In the classroom, it is the same. If a teacher needed help to carry heavy boxes to another place in the school, it was often the boys that are asked to do this. While if it was a task such as taking a note to another teachers, girls were often asked.

Outside of the school environment I felt a divide. The boys were considered dirty and messy. We would go to the park and while the girls stood at the swings and other equipment at the park, the boys would be playing football or playing in the woods. As a class, we were close and all got along but we often split into girls and boys. I feel this is due to being in such a big class, we had 30 people in our class and the ratio was fairly even, only with slightly more girls to boys.

Even though we weren’t aware of “gender inequality” it was still clearly an issue in my primary school. It wasn’t until we spoke about it on Wednesday, that I realised it was an issue. I feel like it is still an issue in today’s primary schools.

When I was younger, I knew that teaching was something I wanted to do. I was very lucky to have teachers that I adored right up until Primary 6. From then, I knew that when I was older I wanted to be just like them.

Then everything changed in Primary 7, my views on wanting to be a teacher dramatically changed and I just wanted to get away from Primary and never be near the building again. I had a bad experience in Primary 7 which caused me to have panic attacks about going into the classroom. I now recognise that this was due to a negative relationship I had with my Primary 7 teacher.

Then I went up to high school, I started to relax more. Knowing that I was only going to be in the classroom for 50 minutes helped calm my nerves. The teachers were more relaxed and you were allowed to leave the classroom when needed. This eased my nerves. Throughout high school, I set my sight on being a social worker or child psychologist but primary teaching was always in the back of my mind.

I started going to University Open Days when I was in 5^th year. Dundee University was the first open day I went to. While deciding which talks to go to, I instantly choose psychology and social work. My mum mentioned that I had one more choice. I looked through all the courses and Primary Education kept jumping out at me so I decided to go. I went to the talk and was blown away. It was very interesting and seemed like something I could see myself doing but the fear of primary schools was still fresh in my mind. I went to more open days and continued going to the primary education talks.

The following year, I got my 6^th year timetable and noticed that I had a lot of free periods. At this stage I was set on being a child psychologist so I decided to get some more experience working with children. I called up my old primary school and spoke to my old Primary 4 teacher, who is now one of the deputy teachers. I spoke to her and she told me to come in that Wednesday. I was slightly nervous about going into the school again but I knew it was something I had to do.

That Wednesday, I walked into the school and found my old teacher. She introduced me to the Primary 3 teacher that I was going to be helping. She instantly made me feel relaxed. We spend the morning outside watching the upper school playing inter-house sports before going inside to do some maths. I instantly noticed how teaching had changed and I loved it. I felt no fear.

I went home and all I could speak about was that morning. I told my mum, my gran, just anyone that would listen. From that moment, I knew Primary teaching was for me. I still knew however, I had things to overcome.

After the summer, every Wednesday I went to my old primary school and helped the same teacher. This time she was teaching Primary 7. I knew instantly that she was the teacher I wanted to become. All my fears of primary schools had been forgotten. I admired her, I took on board everything she told me and taught me. She is admired by fellow staff, children and parents and I hope that in the future I can be seen in the same way. If it wasn’t for her, I doubt that I would have been able to realise how much I wanted to be a primary school teacher. I joined in with some school trips and activities that the class were doing and had a fantastic time.

I went to two other primary schools, just to make sure that the fear never returned and it didn’t. I am so glad that I went back to primary school and got over my fear. It helped me realise that this is my dream and what I want to do.

The primary school teacher, I hope to become is one that manages the balance between being supportive and easy to speak to but not becoming their friend. Children don’t need a friend, they need a teacher. They come to school to make friends with people their age. The teacher is there to help and support them to make these friends. I hope that children never become afraid of me and never have to go through the anxiety and worry that I did. I feel that having the experience I went through in primary will help me to become a better teacher.