Burravoe Primary School

The Key


One day I was walking slowly in the woods when I saw something glistening in the sunlight so I stumbled up to it trembling with fear because it was going to bring me bad luck, but it didn’t, instead a mysterious door appeared then I released where ever I went with key I just had to drop it on the grass and the magic door would appear and I could peer through. One night I decided to pack some things for my unbelievable journey then I tiptoed down the stairs being cautious not to wake my snoozing parents. When I got outside I dropped the key on the rocksoild ground  the door appeared yet again so I stepped inside  it was like a palace it had my name and pictures of me  all over the isolated walls  so I had a look around and then  it hit me I remembered mum  on the phone to someone talking about selling the house  this is  my home  aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh oh I’m  sorry  I’m just really excited sorry got to go.

By Kerry

I saw you had a mixture of past tense and present tense. I didn’t get the bad luck part so maybe you need to look that through again!

Apart from that your work is good and I can see you have been using the thesaurus and I like the word glistening. Try using more grammar. Fae Mia

Thanks Mia I fixed what you told me to fix, next time I will use more grammar in my work Thanks for commenting

Fae Kerry

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