Hairdos

Ma brither Jimmy shaved his heid an he pierced his lug,

Ma sister Annie’s curled her hair like a mongrel dug,

Mam his covered up the grey wi some blondie streaks,

An aa the hair that Daddy his can gyang uncut for weeks.

An me? Weel check this hairdo, my spikes aa hard wi gel,

“The Coolest Dude in Buchan,” even tho I say’t masel!

By Helen Harrower

Ma Grunny’s Cat

Ma Grunny’s cat his a muckle cat, twa metres lang, at least,

It’s  crabbit is the day is lang, a contermashios beast,

Its een are black, its lugs half-chawn, it spits and glowers aa day,

It’s nae the kinda beastie, yon, wi fit ye’d wint t’play.

It’s coorse, a cyard, it’s clivver tee, mair sleekit than the lave.

It’s jist the beast tae sort me oot fin I shid misbehave.

I’ve nivver seen ma grunny’s cat, an at’s an afa shame

Cause every time I visit her, the cat’s awa fae hame.

By Bob Mitchell