Before I start, I feel I should point out that this post is about me, not the tutor leading the workshop or the other students that are part of it.

I went up to the room feeling normal, walked into the room and the tutor greeted us by saying “bonjour!” and I could feel myself begin to panic. I am not ‘bad’ at French, I got an A at Int 2, and I still remember quite a lot of what I was taught. The second that the tutor started speaking French, however, I was transported back to sitting in French class in high school feeling awkward, uncomfortable, and wanting to hide under a desk the whole time. It may sound dramatic but that’s how I’ve always felt about French. I hated speaking it in front of anyone or doing anything in a french class to draw attention to myself!

This workshop was particularly stressful. The tutor had us doing actions to go with some of the vocab, I avoided joining in as long as possible, then when I had to I put in as little energy as possible. When she was asking unto say things out loud I found myself pretending not to know things, or pretending to write just to avoid making eye contact and being asked to participate by speaking out loud.

Looking at the workshop objectively, I thought what we were learning was very good, I thought that all the games and speaking out loud would be fun to most people. I think it is probably a very effective way to learn a language. I wonder if my reaction to French could be similar to ‘Maths Anxiety’ (explored in another post), do I have some kind of a phobia of French? If so, then it will need to be sorted. As a teacher I cannot pass my own feelings about the subject on to the children that I work with. If I do not come across confident in teaching a language, then the children will not be confident in my ability to teach them, which would significantly impact on their education.

I decided to look up my feelings and came back with ‘Foreign Language Anxiety’. It is described as  “a distinct complex of self-perceptions, beliefs, feelings, and behaviours related to classroom language learning arising from the uniqueness of the (foreign) language learning process” which makes a lot of sense to me. I also found the Foreign Language Classroom Anxiety Scale (FLACAS). It is a questionnaire which asks participants to read statements and rate how much they agree. Questions include “I start to panic when I have to speak without preparation in language class.” and “It embarrasses me to volunteer answers in my language class.” Looking at the questions, almost all of them apply to me!

So what should I do now? Realistically I think that languages are always going to be the cause of some anxiety for me. Now that I am aware of it, I have to deal with it. I think that I should start participating more often in class, there are only 20 people, and realistically they are not there to pounce on me if I speak and make mistakes! For all I know, many of them may be feeling the same way that I do. I think knowing this will make it easier for me to teach languages to children who feel nervous or anxious too. I will be able to differentiate better as I will be able to recognise children who feel this way and perhaps allow them to do slightly different tasks, for example working with a partner as opposed to a large group.

I feel that this small amount of research and reflection has been very useful to me. I now know that I am not alone in panicking over learning a language and I am confident that I can overcome the worst of such feelings to be an effective teacher in the future.

Out of 5, I would give my anxiety levels a 1.

Al-Saraj, Taghreed M. (No Date) FOREIGN LANGUAGE ANXIETY: WHAT IS THIS? Available at: https://www.soas.ac.uk/lmei/events/ssemme/file67903.pdf (Accessed: 16 October 2015)