Today we are looking at writing an exciting adventure story on how the fish ended up in P5/20. The most exciting, imaginative and clever story will win the chance to name the fish. As always half the class will be typing them up and the other half will be doing it in their jotter.
Here are the success criteria for today’s story. . . . .
1. A beginning that stimulates the reader to read more.
2. Good, clever, description of characters, setting and the exciting events.
3. Using capital letters, full stops and paragraphs where needed.
4. An exciting event in the middle of the story, which stands out as the main point of the story.
5. An ending which brings the events to a conclusion and leaves the fish in the tank in P5/20.
One dark stormy night a fish called James pond was swimming in the deep blue salty ocean where all you can hear is the waves smashing at the top of the water and the wind howling wildly as the lightening was cr loudlashingy above the the coral reef when suddenly every thing went quite ! And when everything went quite it only meant one thing the fish fish napper was here every one was asleep but James pond he tried to hide but there was nowhere to hide everyone was sleeping in them all so James pond was fish napped . In the morning James pond’s mum went to wake him up but he wasn’t there she checked call over the hole of the coral reef but she still couldn’t find him she was so worried that she sent out a search party for him. When the search party was over they knew that there was only one place he could be so his mum went over to his dad and said I think I know where he is where his dad replied back he been fish napped. Oh no we have to go find him and there is only one way to do it we have to get fish napped but we will be put in a fish tank I don’t care said the mum im going and I don’t care if you don’t OK I am going to find James and Hopefully I’ll come back and bring James with me so bye and I will see you in about a month. When his mum had been fish napped she found James and they found out they were in a classroom in a very nice tank so they went back to the coral reef told the dad and went back to the tank.
Excellent idea and some super description! I would like you to look at your punctuation next time.
A fishy story
Tom and Tiffaney were 2 small and beautiful fish that belonged to P5/20, Tom was an orange fish with a lovely fantail. He was very adventurous and cheeky and loved to have fun. Tiffaney was the exact opposite from Tom, she Is orange with black spots with a fantail too but she never was adventurous or cheeky she was just very quiet and prefered swimming calmly. Although the 2 fish were not at all alike the could not be seperated, they were always swimming in the beautiful tank together. They loved the tank, they always swam behind the long green grass and played inside the little jug that had a hole as an entrance, Sometimes they even played hide and seek!
It was just a normal day for Tom and Tiffaney, they were happly swimming around and watching the lovely children quietly do there work. “They work soooo hard” Tom exclaimed. “Yes, they are amazing” Tiffaney whispered back, but Tom was not listening he was looking rather bamboozeld and was staring at the jug. “What is it” Asked Tiffaney sounding a bit worried. “Well, have you ever noticed that strang purple glowing thing in the jug?” Asked Tom. “What!” Tiffaney laughed”Your seeing things”
“I am not look!” Tom shouted . Tiffaney saw the strange purple glow come from the jug. “AAAHHH, Its an alien swim for your life!” Tiffaney screamed in alarm. “Dont be daft!Come on lets swim in and find out what it is” Said Tom going towards the jug “Tom Dont ” said Tiffaney but she swam after him, not wanting to lose her brother. They swam into the purple thing and Tiffaney screamed as they twirled around.
They stopped and Tiffaney was about to calm down when… “EEEEEEEEEKKKKKK, THERE ARE SHARKS HELP ME” Tiffaney cried terrified. The sharks had not noticed them yet. “Why does this place smell of blood?” asked Tom. “probably because there are SHARKS EVERYWHERE” Tiffaney yelled. “You have to calm down or-” “Calm down CALM DOWN!You want me to stay calm in a tank full of hungry sharks!” Tiffaney yelled cutting Tom off. “The sharks will hear you” Tom whispered.
“OK I have calmed down” Tiffaney whispered putting her fin over her mouth. “good” said Tom,” Now all we have to do is get out of hear”. They swam into a corner of the tank and looked around for a way out. “Look” Screamed Tom. At the top of the tank someone had dropped a piece of meat in and the sharks went mental, The water was being sloshed about, The sharks were fighting for the meat and it smelt of blood again. Within seconds the meat had gone and the sharks swam about like normal.
Tiffaney had her mouth open and her eyes were wide and googly. Tom didnt look much better. “Oh, oh dear!” Tiffaney wailed. “We dont have time to think about this” Tom said sternly “We have to get home, and fast.” they swam around the bottom for a while searching again and again. “Its no use we are stuch here for EVER!!!” Tiffaney cried sniffing. “Oh don’t think like that!” Tom yelled. He yelled a little to loudly.
“oops….” He whispered as the biggest and most terrifieng shark lunged at them. Suddenly Tom noticed the same purple glowing thing that they had seen in the jug in the sharks mouth. “Tiffaney, swim into the sharks mouth!!” Tom yelled “WHAT are you mad noooo ” Tiffaney screamed “You have to, quikly, just follow me! Tom screamed one last time “please, its our only way back”although Tiffaney still thought Tom was mad, she trusted him. “Now” Tom yelled as he swam into the sharks mouth. Tiffaney took a deep breath and swam in, eyes closed.
When she opend her eyes she gasped at the sight of Toms big smile on his face, the children working hard and the sweet smell of the fresh water . “Tom you are a genius!!!” she smiled too. “Well…” said Tom “atleast were home and safe!” Tiffaney swam around him, “soo are you still into adventurs??” she asked smiling “only little ones” said Tom.
“I like it here” said Tiffaney. “so do I” said Tom “No more adventures for us!”
Fantastic story Alex, very worthy of the writing wall. We can look at up-levelling your writing further by looking at clever sentence lengths.
A fishy story
One glorious day there was two fish sitting chilling out in the wonderful tank and their names are Example and Dubstep. Dubstep was fearless and awesomely strong but Example is weak and scared and also grumpy. They were chilling in the jug when suddenly they both got sucked in to it and came out into the ocean they looked around and they were confused! All they had done was chill in the jug and know it was floating next to them in the ocean, not sinking to the bottom like it should have. Why were they all of a sudden in the ocean and how on earth were they going to get back to their lovely chilled out classroom.
They waited for a long time but nobody rescued them they were going to have to do this on their own. They started to look around they were looking for something that might make the jug take them home. Suddenly a huge school of fish came into view. Example and Dubstep raced over to them. They asked them if the fish if they knew how they could get home. They whole school replied they would need to find the wise one who live in the lost sea of Atlantace. That’s great thought Dubstep we have to find a lost place! At that moment the school of fish formed an arrow and said together THAT WAY.
Example and Dubstep followed the arrow for what felt like days when the school of fish said IT WILL ONLY TAKE 5 HOURS. Ok so they set of on the way to find the great one. Finaly they found him sitting on his thrown. He was reading a fishy story. The two them said thanks for giving us us that part. They both started to race back to the jug and they fixed it. Example just stayed back and did nothing
wile Dubstep fixed the jug they jumped in the jug and came back!!!
I enjoyed working with you on this story, you have fantastic ideas, we will work on getting them down with all the detail they need.
A fishy Story
One sunny afternoon two fish called Griffin and Snark were in a smelly old boring pet shop, next to the yapping guiena pigs. The shop owner Bob was a bit forgetful, and sometimes forgot to feed them or maybe gave them way too much food.
One day a grumpy teacher entered the colourful, but boring shop and walked over to Griffin and Snarks tank, she thought they were gorgeous and she bought them. Her name was Miss P.S, she was buying fish for her class at Markethill primary school. Griffin and Snark were terrified and they tried to get out of the minging plastic bag.
Miss P.S took them home to her house, and wondered what tank she should put them into, she decided they would learn to behave best in the SHARK tank,
Miss P.S said “Jaws its Tea time”
Griffin said “oh NO EEK Help!”
Jaws chased the fish round and round the tank in circles, Jaws ended up sooooooooo dizzy that he got sucked into the filter and got stuck, so that was the end of Jaws.
Miss P.S thought that Griffin and Snark had learned their lesson to behave and now it was time to take them to school and put them into the friendly class tank of P5/20, where Griffin and Snark were very happy to stay.
I don’t like the sound of that grumpy teacher! Good story Jack, well done. I think you have really improved your writing lately!
A fish adventure
One sunny day in the ocean swam two little fish called salt and finn. Every day they would go looking for food, but then one day when they were looking for food we bumped into a BIG black net and the man who was holding the net, put us inside a truck and took us to a store that had lots of other animals like cute guinne pigs, sweet hamsters, furry rabbbits and even some fish.
a few weeks went by and me and finn were still in the shop when a lovely lady called miss Phillip Smith wanted a fish for her class so she had a look around she seen a ticket that said “buy any fish and get another one FREE”. so thats what she done and luckly she picked me and finn. we were exited to go to our new school, the new tank had a beautiful vase in it. A loud bell went off and me and finn got scared then about 28 kids came running towards us, but we all lived hapilly until today.
Well done Erin, as we talked about in class, be careful not to change the narrative in your story.
A fishy story
in space to fish in a block of ice .One cold tom and one cold summer and thay were alone in space.
Bang thay were out of the moon a metoer hit the moon help the to litte fish cried tom heads to earth..Im in a river tom sead ahh he got put in a net and the man sead you are to little you are going
to a pet shop.The next day he was in a tank . The fish in space the oly one ametoer hits summer and go to erth and laned in a river .and the same man piced summer up and went to a pet a shop and got put in the tank with tom yaa we are back to gever a gen then miss ps wonted them she paid for them theay wor at shkool evry one was exsied and they had to do a story about fish so thay coud name the fish and the fish was scered the fish and thay wor hiding in the tank. The next day they eskaped to the danerres sea and the next day thay wer back in the tank and they had 2 fins and 1 tail and 2eyes thay think its good to live in a tank.
This story looks to have great potential, I can see that you have tried very hard with all the criteria.
A fishy story
Miss P.S was sitting at her messy desk thinking if her wonderful class could get two fish. Her class loved the idea so after school was finished she went to the pet shop in Elgin. Miss P.S was walking around when she saw a fish in a tank all alone.Miss P.S wanted to get that one.The fishs felt verry lonley but once the fishs saw the net come into the tank to grab it.It felt happer than ever.
Miss P.S went back on thursday to get the fishs. She got the fish and was coming up the slipery steps with the fishs in her hands when she triped on the steps the fishs went flying throw the air and landed on the rusty roof.She thought to her self how am I going to get them down before they die but it wasn’t easy because the sun was betting down and the water dried up quickly.The fish felt scared.The children placed the tank on the ramp and then they went to the other side of the cabin to climb on the rusty roof. One child squurdid there water. Just to make sure the fish had anoff water to slide the fishs down off the side of the cabin and into the tank.The fish felt happy to be back in the clean tank.They all jumped up and down shouting hury.Miss P.S carried the beautiful tank back into the corner of the cabin.This warm exciting classroom was the fishs new home.
by Caitlin m
Well done Caitlin this is different approach to the story, I like it. I am glad I didn’t trip when I was carrying the fish.
One fishy adventure.
One sunny mornning a little fish was at a class in turrif then it found a jug so it went in the jug SUDDNLY the fish got suked up somewere with a lots of fish so it swimmed to the very top then the fish paneked so he went down and all the fish were screaming help and swimming away suddnly there was a shark there was 4 of them and two of them went after me then suddnly there was a pirate ship so they hided in the boat then the sharks went away then we cept on swimming . Then they went to the top then a big fishing boat was coming so they swimmed away then two divers came cote them and so the fish swimmed away then theb two divers came after us then we did not no what to do so a shark leded us the way then suddnly we were at a town the fish and sharks so we went for ice cream then I suddnly woke up and it was all a dream few said the fish then a few people came running after me Aaaaaaah said the fish then the fish swimmed behind a jug then the people said aw .then the people went away then the teacher went over and put food in the tank and walked away so I swimmed away up the top of the fish tank then it could not breafe so it went down at at the botom of the tank then the people came back and shouted there is fish in the tank so they all ran over to the fish the. the fish went in the tunnel and got suked up again.then the fish woked up and and said ow it was a dream then the people did not scare the fish ever again.
You have so many good ideas Logan and I can see that you are trying to achieve the success criteria. You need to slow down and focus on just one of your ideas.
A fishy story
Once there was a school called Markethill. There was one class who wanted fantastic fish. At the class party they got two fish from wonderful Santa Clause, a boy fish and a girl fish the boy fish. They were called Bob and Joanne. In the clean sparkly new tank there was a toy vase fore them to play in. Bob and Joanne loved the tank and it felt so good to be part of the exciting classroom, they were a bit scared of the children at first but they got used to them and their crazy behaviour. The fish coudln’t understand why they stared and the white things infront of them all day and held the bits of wood in their hands, these of course were jotters and pencils.
After a week of being in their tank Bob got stuck in the toy vase. Bob was scared, Joanne told him that she tought he would be stuck in their forever. They didn’t know what to do. A couple of days later Joanne, who had been trying to think of a way of getting him out, came up with a plan. On Wednesday moring Joanne, who had been up all night thinking on what to do, got a stone and pick it up with her mouth and started tapping on the jug. She keeped on tapping and tapping, eventually she cracked the vase. Suddenly the vase shot into the air above the tank and then fell back in but when the bubbles settled there appeared another fish. The new fish was called Petal she had a glamres red tail, a silmey siver back and a lipstick lips. Bob wanderd how Petal apeard from no ware Petal said “i had no friends at the pet home and so i went in the vase and miss P.S pick it up and i come in the tank and hoped to make freinds with you if that is ok” the two others said yes we wood love to make friends with you. So they lived happy ever after.
Is this how I ended up with so many fish! Well done Cally, you have great ideas and you should have confidence in them!
It was a sunny day in Turriff and two fish called Tomas and Strewn were having races round the tank to see who was faster? As they were doing that Lesly burst into the room with a houmongous piece of paper she slamed the door shut. She was planning a plan to capture the fish and put them in the ocean because P5/20 had started to ignore Lesley. The class used to speak to her and give her lots of praise for all her hard work but since the slimy fish had arrive all the class could talk about and look at were the horrible fish. Lesley planned to take them away and ditching Tomas and Strewn into Cruden Bay.
Tomas and Strewn watched as Lesley came over to them, they liked Lesley and enjoyed watching the vacum cleaner go round and round the room. The saw Lesley put the peice of paper on the table next to them, they had learnt to read whilst in the class and they saw that it was the plan to ditch them into Cruden Bay! They were scared, they started to panic and screem for help they went to the tubes, (which humnas think are filters but are actually fish telephones), and started calling for support. On the fish phone they have a special emergency button that can teleport their friends to them, this is only to be used in emergencies but this was definately an emergency.
Once their friends had arrived they all hid in the flower pot at the bottom of the tank.They were planing somthing clever.The fish saw James Bond behind the door,James Bond burst into the room with his water pistle and started to chase Lesly.As Lesly was runing James Bond took the fish home to look after them.The next day the class came thundaring into the class to find out the fish were gone.All the boys stroled over to the couberd to find out that Lesly was hiding in the box all the boys laufed at her.Sombody was banging on the windo Katrena rushed to the door.He was a tall man he said thankyou he came in to the it was James Bond and he had the wonderful fish were back.Miss ps was so happy that she let James Bond take the fish home for the Easter holidays the class were so happy.
I shall have to show Lesley this story! I wonder how James Bond found out about the plan. Well Done Josh I enjoyed working with you at the start of this story.
A Fish Adventure
One beautiful, bright summers day, in the glistening ocean blue sea were two little friendly fish called Maisy and Daisy, they were playful twins, swimming about. The wonderful smell of the salty sea was filling the breezy air, you could hear the colourful squawking birds flying above. The twin fish really love being free swimming about in the sparkly blue sea, but the only problem is that if they get lost it would be really really hard to find each other again, so they had to stick very very close together.
Maisy is milky white with shimmering orange spots, a dark blue bow on her head, green googly eyes, which have fluttering eye lashes on top, Maisy also has a rosy red smile. Daisy was also milky white, but she has sparkly pink spots, a purple bow on her head, yellow googly eyes with flickering eye lashes and also a gorgeous big smile. They’re personalities are sunny, playful, happy and cheerful.
Suddenly Maisy and Daisy stopped swimming they tried to swim, but the water was too strong. The water pulled the fish closer and closer to the shore “Oh No” screamed the terrified little fish, whilest they were getting sucked to the shore. With a humungous splash of water the twin fish land on the shore. The beach was covered in sand, the palm trees were swaying in the breeze and the sun was beating down on the fish. The fish were scared and thought that they were going to die.
Seconds later Daisy spyed a flowing stream near by. Immediatly the two sparkly fish hopped over and jumped into the stream. The stream lead them to a water factory which cleaned out the stream and then sent them to the silver taps around Turriff.
After a while a teacher in primary 5 at Markethill switched on the tap and Maisy and Daisy flowed out. The teacher picked them up and cried out to the class “I’m lucky I bought a fish tank because we’ve got FISH” “Hooray” shouted the children. The tank was clear glass with a ancient jug and some wavy green plants inside. Maisy and Daisy lived happily ever after.
Fantastic story well done, we can look at up-levelling your detail and how you add it in.
A Fishy Story
One day Miss P.S was sad because there was no spare time to do all the things she wants to do, so she said to herself I’ll go down to the beach for a wee minite and walk on the lovely golden sand and watch the sparkly blue waves splashing onto the shore. Miss P.S saw a wizard and went over to him, the wizard said to Miss P.S, Hello I’m Bert the wizard how can I help you? Well said Miss P.S I have no spare time to do all the things I want to do, like Netball, swimming, go to the gym and watch Emmerdale and Coronation Street my favourite tv pogrames. So, Bert the wizard said I could give you two magic marking fish, so you would have plenty time to do all the things you like to do, Miss P.S said yes that would be great, I would love the two magic marking fish, how much will they cost? The wizard said £100 for the two of them, a £100 said Miss P.S so Miss P.S haggladd for £80 so the wizard said ok I will magic them up in your class room for you if you want to or would you like to carry it. Miss P.S said can you magic it up for me in class please, yes I can do that for you lets go then. so they both ran back to the class room and the wizard magiced the fish up in a tank and dispeered from no were. Miss P.S named the fish Minnie and daisy the fish then Miss P.S realised they can come out of the water and breath in air, then Miss P.S to the fish I am going to teach you what P5/20 are doing in school, Miss P.S started teaching the two fish what P5/20 are doing for they homework, so Miss P.S lefed the class room and went home to wach Emmerdale and Coronation Street and the fish started marking the homework and in the morrning the homework was a bit wet. Everyone was happy and Miss P.S has plenty of spare time to do all the things she wants to do like Netball,swimming, go to the gym and watch Emmerdale and Coronation Street. Lesey the cleener came in early and the fish stoped marking and lie down and Lesey rushed strat over to them and put them strat in the fish tank and started to cleen up the class room and went away to another class the fish came back out and started marking again.
Nobody knows Minnie and Daisy the fish are magic only Miss P.S
knows.
By Zoe Clark
Absolutely love this story Zoe! I hope nobody finds out why I really got the fish.
A Fishy Story
One sunny day in the Shire Bilbo Baggins was swimming in his beautiful garden and then Gandelf came along and said “Hello Mr Baggins how is the day going.” Bilbo was confused and said “Who are you and how do you know my name?” Gandelf was astonished he didn’t know who he the amazing Gandelf was he then said “Who am I who am I my name is Gandelf and I know just about everything.” and Bilbo recognised that name and said with amazement “Gandelf the great wizard who sets of the magical fire works at midsummers eve!” “That’s me.” he said and then Bilbo was so happy that he said “Tomorrow you can come for dinner.” Gandelf agreed with it and then Gandelf went of and it was night time and Bilbo went to bed. In the morning Bilbo woke up and had a lovely breakfast and then went out for a morning stroll and when he got back it was midday and then had some lunch then started to have some games until dinner and there was a ring at the door and then opened it and there was two dwarves “Fili and Kili at your service.” they both said as they both put up a blue hood and sat down and ate and had a chat and there was a loud knock at the door and then Bilbo opened the door and there was another dwarf and Gandelf the dwarves name was Thorin Oakinshield he had a sky-blue hood and he put it on the coat hanger and said “Thorin Oakinsield at your service.” then they all ate and drunk and had a chat especially Thorin and Gandelf and then they sleped and in the morning They were all gone and then he found a note it said Meet us at the pub at 10:00 am and on time from Thorin and CO. Bilbo checked the time it was 9:30 and it was 45 minutes to the pub walking so he ran and ran as fast as a hobbit could go he got ther at 10:00 just on time Thorin was about to leave but he saw Bilbo and he said “Just on time.” so they set of and then they got a spot and set up a tent and camped there Kili was first on look out then he saw a fire he told the others and they said Bilbo should go since he is the smallest in the group so Bilbo ran as quiet as he could go and he saw three cave Trolls! Bilbo went up and radded there pockets when one spotted him and grabbed him and Bilbo shouted “HELP!!” and they all came and Gandelf said “I’m going away I have a plan.”
Hmmmm I feel like I have read this story somewhere before! I wonder how you were going to get to the fish in the classroom?
A Fishy Story
Once there was a little group of fish, they were swimming in the sandy Great Barrier Reef. The seaweed was swishing round the happy group, the youngest were best friends one was sensible and well behaved, she was called Sugar, but the other lilttle fish was very livley and had a great imagination, and she was called Spice, they were the exact opisit but best friends! They were both silver with specs of saphire blue with dazzling lips.
But they did not know the danger that lay ahead, the two little fish were swimming in front of the group when a dark shaddow blocked the light. The two small and frightend fish did not know what was happening but they saw the rest of the group start to swim away. The scared fish tried to follow but then the big black shadow followed the group of fish so they knew it was not safe to go.
“What if they never find us.” sniffled Sugar, her eyes brimming with tears.
“Dont be silly.” said Spice, even though she was starting to feel scared to.
That night the two fish sneaked into a old pile of seaweed with out beying noticed by any one. Sugar could not sleep that night, so she curled up with Spice. First Spice pushed her away and groand but then she let Sugar curl up besied her.
The next day when Spice woke up Sugar was not there, Spice swam up above the swaying seaweed expecting to see Sugar swimming calmly.
“Sug….” she cried but then she stopped. Something had grabbed her. She shut her eyes and prayed.
The next second they were heading across the sandy beach into a big white van. They drove over a big bump and swerved round a big corner.
“I feel sick.” moand Sugar, swimming up and down in the sun lit bag.
“Save it for inside.” said Spice, backing away and hitting the edge of the bag.
Sugar gave a nother groan as they were carryed into a big shop. A man opened the bag and carlessly poared them into a big tank with three other ones, they soon found out that they were called Splash, Splosh and Fin they were all sensable “Just like Sugar.” mumbled Spice, watching them all huddled togeather talking about her.
A few days later a kind lady came in her name was Miss. Philp Smith she went over to their tank and told the lady she would like them all. The lady told Miss.P.S that she could only take one first and then she could have the rest.
Miss. P.S looked at them all and then she looked at the sad Spice.
“I’ll take the sad one in the corner and the one that looks just like it.” she said, pointing at the ones she wanted.
So the lady put them in a bag and gave them to her.
In a few weeks all the fish were there and were happy, Sugar,the calm and happy girl, Spice, the livley crazy girl, Splash and Splosh, the sensible twin, and Fin, the creative but loving one.
By Jasmine
Well done Jasmine, you have really worked hard on up-levelling your description and you have used the advice about adding in detail between dialogue. Super story and I love the names.
A fishy story
One gorgeous summer afternoon two fishs were swimming in there ginormous tank at Pets at home in Aberdeen the two fishs names are agent James Pond and secret agent Robbie Shrimpiam. James and Robbie got afully tierd so they went to the dining room then they seen there grate aunt Goldy and grate uncle Scar they were excited cause aunt Goldy and uncle Scar on holiday at Black portal and they always brang gifts home for James and Robbie so after there dilishes tea aunt Goldy told James and Robbie a story about Black portal first we had to go to the tanktel to put there stuff away then they took a whale to the portal it was gigantic they could bearly belive there eyes it was open this time all the other times they went it was closed when they went through the purple hole they ended up in a rollar coaster it was magnificent it had a roof a flat screen tv it nearly had everything it even had a coffie and slushy maker and at the end they spoted a gift shop speaking of gifts guess what i’ve got James and Robbie were hopping for the shrimp of duty flop ops 2 for the shrimp box 360 but then suddenly the agent alarm went Robbie shouted on James what Robbie the agent alarm pounded off come on lets go to the secret hideout before the gates slam close suddenly they dashed to the hideout then went to the changing room to put on there spy gear then went to there masters office he said agents defeat the sharks base and destroy al sharks on duty ok master to the fishmobeil we go robbie pack the maggot launchers and the and the parana gun and squid girnaids when they got to Atlantic they seen the horrible shark gang they were scared what happened if they got eating for supper or what if there heads got choped off and hammerd to a wooding frame there is only one maggot in each launcher I know what Pond tell me if we shoot together it will make a huge explosion so what you say will we ok 123 go BANG went the bomb bang went the fish were are we James acording to my satnav we are in turriff at Markethill school p5/20 who are theses people they thought.
Clever names Dylan well done. I think that with a bit of editing this exciting story could be brilliant.
A fishy tale
One sunny day two lovely fish named Fishy and Chips , where in their luxurious fish tank in a awesome pet shop their life was amazing apart from seeing the customurs they always walk past them and never stop to even have a peek at them “we will never get a oner “said Fishy “i want tohav an adventure” “nnnno we’re nnot going annywwhare” said Chips Fishy was soooooo advertious that he would go any whare he has always dreamed of going to Parris but Chips he is such s scardyfish he never wants to leave the fish tank. One morning a lady came walking in she looked very pretty in her brown tights and stripy dress she started to walk down the lane that they were in then suddenly she stoped at us she started to ask a man about the fish when they where finnished talk ing the lady had a badge saying Miss Ps “so thats what her name is “ said Chips not puzzled anymore suddenly Miss Ps picked the tank up and off they went out of the store…
When they got out of the store Miss Ps’s ginger hair was floating in the warm breaze they stoped at a strange black thing then a door opend “where are we going”shouted Chips they got put In the boot .te hen Miss Ps got in the car she for got to shut the boot so fishy and chips fell out off the boot in their fish tank there was a big bump and magicaly there was weels on the tank fishy and chips went into the old rusty jug there was controll padel they started to move…
they traveled to loads of place’s like london in london the go to a chip shop and suddenly they got chased by a mad cook and drove away then they got to a school in a place called turrif the school was called markethill primary school they drove down the steps and went into a complete white cabin the door was left wide open so fishy and chips went right in and into the first room and found a wonderful spot for them to sit. The next day the kids where soooooo exitedto see the fish they where so good as a class pet.
thats how the fish got to p5/20
by katie cornfield
Some awesome description Katie and I love the start. I would have liked more of an adventure but I am very pleased you were able to complete the whole story. Well done.
A fishy story
Indangerd in the pet shop 2 little fish called Tom and Jery where swimming happy in a fish tanck. suddenly miss PS came into the fish shop and bot them. After that miss PS got into her car and drove up to the school. After that miss PS unloced the cabin door and went into the cabin. When miss PS was in cabin she pot the fish in the tanck. The next morning the bell rang and the childran scrambuld into the class room then sprinted to the fish. and they lived hapely ever after.
The end
Well done for completing the story however what happened to the description and adventure?
Well those are awsome storys, I am very nervouse for the 500 word challenge!!!! 🙂 🙂
Well done Sophie, I love your fishy tale. Hope all you P5 children enjoy meeting your new friends tomorrow.
Maureen Greig (Sophie’s Mum)
🙂 (This is a smiley face sitting on it’s side!)
🙂 🙂
Excellent stories p5/20.
Mandy and Josh Andrew
Hope Miss PS has managed to get the fish tonight. Thank you Miss PS :):)
Well done to every pupil in p5 well done to all the effort that u put in 🙂
AMAZING FANTASTIC stories p5/20 hope you all get a chance to feed the magical fish and i hope every one is excited about the baby fish 😀 :D:D:D
Well done Zoe on your story we loved it. Congratulations on your teachers award, very proud of you.
Cara Clark (zoe’s mum)
A Fishy Story
One beautiful sunny day in the Shire, Bilbo Baggins was swimming in his beautiful garden when along came Gandelf and said
“Hello Mr Baggins how is the day going?”
Bilbo was confused and said
“Who are you and how do you know my name?” Gandelf was astonished he didn’t know who the amazing Gandelf was he then said
“Who am I who am I ? my name is Gandelf and I know just about everything.”
Bilbo recognised that name and said with amazement
“Gandelf the great wizard who sets of the magical fireworks at midsummers eve?”
“That’s me.” he said and then Bilbo was so happy that he said
“Tomorrow you can come for dinner.”
Gandelf agreed to it and then Gandelf went off and since it was night time Bilbo went to bed.
In the morning Bilbo woke up and had a lovely breakfast of algae then went out for a morning swim. when he got back it was midday so had some lunch then started to have some fishy games until dinner. At that time there was a ring at the door so he opened it and there were two dwarves
“Fili and Kili at your service.” they both announced as they both put up a blue hood and sat down and ate and had a chat. there was a loud knock at the door and then Bilbo opened the door and there was another dwarf and Gandelf. the dwarves name was Thorin Oakinshield he had a sky-blue hood and he said
“Thorin Oakinshield at your service.”
then they all ate and drank and had a chat especially Thorin and Gandelf and then they slept soundly. in the morning They were all gone and then he found a note, it said: Meet us at the pub at 10:00 am and be on time
from Thorin and CO. Bilbo checked the time it was 9:30 and it was 45 minutes to the pub walking so he ran and ran as fast as a little hobbit fish could go. he got there at 10 am just on time Thorin was about to leave but he saw Bilbo and he said
“Just on time.”
so they set off and then they got a spot and set up a tent and camped there. Kili was first on look-out then he saw a fire he told the others and they said Bilbo should go since he is the smallest in the group so Bilbo ran as quiet as he could go and he saw three cave Trolls! Bilbo went up and raided their pockets when one spotted and grabbed him and Bilbo shouted “HELP!!”
they all came swimming as fast as they could Gandelf said
“I’m going away I have a plan.”
So of he went for his plan one troll said “Lets cook em!” another said “Lets squash em!” the last one said “Lets stew em!” and then Gandelf said “No but you can turn into stone!” he then pulled back some trees and in came the morning light. in shone the light into the little cavern …. the trolls turned to stone!
Then they set off to the misty mountains. when they got there it was very windy and there was a thunder storm happening. there were stone giants throwing rocks at each other in battle. They then found a place to sleep and they slept. Bilbo had a bad dream that a crack had opened in the wall at the back when suddenly Bilbo woke up and it WAS real goblins came out and Bilbo screamed. Gandelf woke up and a there was a flash and several goblins fell to death then Gandelf had disappeared. the dwarves and Bilbo got stolen by the goblins and they took them to the leader of the goblins. then the goblins took everything from them. when Gandelf came from no were and sliced off the goblin king’s head and they ran away. Kili took Bilbo on his shoulders and then goblins came from behind and grabbed Kili from the ankle and he fell over and Bilbo hit his head.
he woke up and found a gold ring lying in front of him. he picked it up and put it in his pocket. Bilbo went on to find his way out when he heard a voice and it said
“Where are the fishes my precioussss?” then he said “Golum” in a weird swallowing noise.
Bilbo went to check what it was and it was a grey creature in a little boat with his feet dangling out of the boat he noticed Bilbo and Bilbo hid. the creature came up behind him and said
“What would your name might be?” Bilbo replied in fear “My name is Mr Baggins, Bilbo Baggins may I ask what your name is?”
he answered “My name is Golum I am so bored down in here and I am hungry, what are you?” he asked mischievously
“I’m a hobbit and why did you ask that question?” Golum went to grab him when Bilbo took out his sword Golum looked scared and said suddenly in a kinder voice “do you like riddles?”
Bilbo looked happy and said “yes,yes I do I will go first ok ready,
thirty white horses on a red hill first they champ then they stamp then they stand still.
Golum was a bit confused when he said “teeth, teeth he means our turnses,
what has roots as nobody sees is taller than trees up, up it goes and yet never grows? “easy!” said Bilbo “a mountain ok my turn,
voiceless it cries wingless it flutters toothless bites mouthless mutters.”
golum was struggling a bit when he said “wind, wind of courses our turnses,
this thing all things devours birds beasts trees flowers gnaws iron bites steal grinds hard stone to meal slays king ruins town and beats high mountains down.”
Poor Bilbo sat in the dark thinking of all the horrible names of all the giants and ogres he had ever heard of in tales when golum said
“is it juicy is it meaty is it scrumchtios?”
WHEN Bilbo said “Time, Time!” Bilbo was thinking of a riddle when he felt in his pocket and then he said
“what’s in my pocket?” golum said “not fare not fare!” and Bilbo said louder
“what’s in my pocket!” golum hissed and said “Give us Three chanceses!” “oh allrite then three only!” golum instantly said “knife?” Bilbo said
“no wrong.” Golum then said “handses?” Bilbo answered
“no wrong.” Golum thought and thought for ages until Bilbo said “Times up.”
“string or nothing!” Bilbo said “that was two and both wrong now show me the way out.” Golum hissed and said
“fine but I need something first.” Golum went off to a rock in the water and looked for the ring when a blood curdling shriek came from Golum
“where is it? where is it?” he demanded.
To be continued…. David I
Interesting, I like the slight changes you have made. I hope you do continue it as I still want to know how it ends.
My one is the longest!! XD
A Fishy Story
One beautiful sunny day in the Shire, Bilbo Baggins was swimming in his beautiful garden when along came Gandelf and said
“Hello Mr Baggins how is the day going?”
Bilbo was confused and said
“Who are you and how do you know my name?” Gandelf was astonished he didn’t know who the amazing Gandelf was he then said
“Who am I who am I ? my name is Gandelf and I know just about everything.”
Bilbo recognised that name and said with amazement
“Gandelf the great wizard who sets of the magical fireworks at midsummers eve?”
“That’s me.” he said and then Bilbo was so happy that he said
“Tomorrow you can come for dinner.”
Gandelf agreed to it and then Gandelf went off and since it was night time Bilbo went to bed.
In the morning Bilbo woke up and had a lovely breakfast of algae then went out for a morning swim. when he got back it was midday so had some lunch then started to have some fishy games until dinner. At that time there was a ring at the door so he opened it and there were two dwarves
“Fili and Kili at your service.” they both announced as they both put up a blue hood and sat down and ate and had a chat. there was a loud knock at the door and then Bilbo opened the door and there was another dwarf and Gandelf. the dwarves name was Thorin Oakinshield he had a sky-blue hood and he said
“Thorin Oakinshield at your service.”
then they all ate and drank and had a chat especially Thorin and Gandelf and then they slept soundly. in the morning They were all gone and then he found a note, it said: Meet us at the pub at 10:00 am and be on time
from Thorin and CO. Bilbo checked the time it was 9:30 and it was 45 minutes to the pub walking so he ran and ran as fast as a little hobbit fish could go. he got there at 10 am just on time Thorin was about to leave but he saw Bilbo and he said
“Just on time.”
so they set off and then they got a spot and set up a tent and camped there. Kili was first on look-out then he saw a fire he told the others and they said Bilbo should go since he is the smallest in the group so Bilbo ran as quiet as he could go and he saw three cave Trolls! Bilbo went up and raided their pockets when one spotted and grabbed him and Bilbo shouted “HELP!!”
they all came swimming as fast as they could Gandelf said
“I’m going away I have a plan.”
So of he went for his plan one troll said “Lets cook em!” another said “Lets squash em!” the last one said “Lets stew em!” and then Gandelf said “No but you can turn into stone!” he then pulled back some trees and in came the morning light. in shone the light into the little cavern …. the trolls turned to stone!
Then they set off to the misty mountains. when they got there it was very windy and there was a thunder storm happening. there were stone giants throwing rocks at each other in battle. They then found a place to sleep and they slept. Bilbo had a bad dream that a crack had opened in the wall at the back when suddenly Bilbo woke up and it WAS real goblins came out and Bilbo screamed. Gandelf woke up and a there was a flash and several goblins fell to death then Gandelf had disappeared. the dwarves and Bilbo got stolen by the goblins and they took them to the leader of the goblins. then the goblins took everything from them. when Gandelf came from no were and sliced off the goblin king’s head and they ran away. Kili took Bilbo on his shoulders and then goblins came from behind and grabbed Kili from the ankle and he fell over and Bilbo hit his head.
he woke up and found a gold ring lying in front of him. he picked it up and put it in his pocket. Bilbo went on to find his way out when he heard a voice and it said
“Where are the fishes my precioussss?” then he said “Golum” in a weird swallowing noise.
Bilbo went to check what it was and it was a grey creature in a little boat with his feet dangling out of the boat he noticed Bilbo and Bilbo hid. the creature came up behind him and said
“What would your name might be?” Bilbo replied in fear “My name is Mr Baggins, Bilbo Baggins may I ask what your name is?”
he answered “My name is Golum I am so bored down in here and I am hungry, what are you?” he asked mischievously
“I’m a hobbit and why did you ask that question?” Golum went to grab him when Bilbo took out his sword Golum looked scared and said suddenly in a kinder voice “do you like riddles?”
Bilbo looked happy and said “yes,yes I do I will go first ok ready,
thirty white horses on a red hill first they champ then they stamp then they stand still.
Golum was a bit confused when he said “teeth, teeth he means our turnses,
what has roots as nobody sees is taller than trees up, up it goes and yet never grows? “easy!” said Bilbo “a mountain ok my turn,
voiceless it cries wingless it flutters toothless bites mouthless mutters.”
golum was struggling a bit when he said “wind, wind of courses our turnses,
this thing all things devours birds beasts trees flowers gnaws iron bites steal grinds hard stone to meal slays king ruins town and beats high mountains down.”
Poor Bilbo sat in the dark thinking of all the horrible names of all the giants and ogres he had ever heard of in tales when golum said
“is it juicy is it meaty is it scrumchtios?”
WHEN Bilbo said “Time, Time!” Bilbo was thinking of a riddle when he felt in his pocket and then he said
“what’s in my pocket?” golum said “not fare not fare!” and Bilbo said louder
“what’s in my pocket!” golum hissed and said “Give us Three chanceses!” “oh allrite then three only!” golum instantly said “knife?” Bilbo said
“no wrong.” Golum then said “handses?” Bilbo answered
“no wrong.” Golum thought and thought for ages until Bilbo said “Times up.”
“string or nothing!” Bilbo said “that was two and both wrong now show me the way out.” Golum hissed and said
“fine but I need something first.” Golum went off to a rock in the water and looked for the ring when a blood curdling shriek came from Golum
“where is it? where is it?” he demanded.Then gollum remembered the question that Bilbo asked him then he said “What has it got in it’s nasty little pocketses.” then somthing clicked inside him and he was fumin. “WHAT HAS IT GOT IN IT’S NASTY LITTLE POCKETSES!!!!” Bilbo was scared to deth. Gollum had started to swim as fast as he could towards Bilbo, Bilbo also started to swim as fast as he could. They swam and swam and swam until Bilbo got stuck in a gap Gollum came closer and closer slowly he grabed for Bilbo but Bilbo got free and swam of in the distants.When Bilbo got out he found his friends and they got scooped up by a huge net and ended up in the tank of P5/20.