I can create an interesting story with excellent description of settings and characters.
Self assessment on the piece
1. Is the story interesting?
2. Have you used up levelled wow words?
3. Have described the characters?
4. Have you described the setting?
5. Does the story make sense all the way through?
One bright, sunny day Rainbow was happily playing with a jolly group of Irish
Leprechauns in a beautiful, flowery meadow in Sunshine World. Rainbow has bright fun colours, they are red, yellow, pink, blue, purple, orange and green. The Leprechauns had little green outfits, black pointy shoes and ginger hair and beards. While playing in the meadow the wind came along and WHOOSH, it blew Rainbow’s colours off and they ended up spread all over the world. Immediatly Rainbow turned all dull and grey, she felt sad and miserable because she had lost all her glorious colours. As quick as they could the playful friends hurried into the Wibbly Wobbly Woods to find Rainbow’s colours. In the distance they spotted red and yellow strips hanging from a branch, it was two of Rainbow’s fabulous colours. Next they darted over to the Higgeldy Piggeldy Beach, at the beach they found three more of Rainbow’s spectacular colours. The colours Rainbow and the Leprechauns found were pink, blue and purple. Finally they arrived at the Leprechaun Village. Over in the corner the spied the last two colours, orange and green, floating above one little Leprechaun’s head. Quickly the sped over and grabbed the wonderful colours.
Fantastic story Sophie well done. It would have been great if you’d had time to finish.
One extreemely sunny morning Jessie woke up feeling very happy. “I wonder what I’ll do today?” thought Jessie. She got up and found faded jeans and a blue top, so she put them on. Jessie,strangely, felt a little magic. “I feel extra happy” Jessie mumered to herself. Just as she was about to leave her bright red bedroom she saw sparkling dust flying around her bed post. Jessie shook her head. “It must have been a trick of light”She exclaimed,but she saw it again.
Jessie ran over with excitment and when she got there she gasped gobsmaked because there on the bed was a red FAIRY. The fairy was wore a red dress with a red shoulder cardigan and a red pair of pumps. “WOW” screamed Jessie looking at the fairy in surprise “shh” the fairy whispered “You can’t tell anyone about me!!” she said very quietly “why not?” Jessie whispered “because, if you do the humans will want to trap me and put me in museums!” The Fairy whispered “Don’t worry I wont tell!!” Jessie replied “Well by the way,Im Garnet, the red fairy!” Garnet said. “And Im Jessie” Jessie said “But why are you here then” Jessie asked “Because I need your help!” Garnet replied “my friend Primrose the purple fairy has gone missing! “Oh no” Jessie Cried. “Dont worry, I can tell she is near by” Garnet announced “Thats a good start” Jessie said
. ” Should we start looking in the garden?” “Thats a good idea!”Garnet exclaimed “Lets go there right now” She jumped into Jessie’s Pocket so Jessie ran downstairs and into the green great garden. “Where will we look frst?” Asked Jessie “How about over In that tree?” sugested Garnet. Jesssie ran over to the huge Oak tree in the corner of the garden. “If you search the top,I’ll search the bottom.” Jessie instructed. Garnet flew up to the top and darted in and out, searching behind the leaves. Jessie searched all around the bottom but foun zilch.
“Oh dear nothing at all” Jessie said. “We cant give up, lets try all the bushes” Garnet said sounding determend. Jessie went for the big bush and crawled inside looking high and low and side to side.”I cant find her” Garnet and Jessie Cried when Jessie crawled out of the bush.
Well Done Alex, I hope your characters found their friend.
The Teacher who disappeared
One hot summers day Bob was on his way to school just when he looked behind him it was his friends with their bikes Bob shouted wait im going to get my bike. Bob ran like the wind to get his bike and cycled back to his friends. When Bob and his friends got to school they went to their class one moment the teacher was their the next she wasn’t Bob was about to say lets find her just when he got the idea they should throw a party Bob shouted to his hole class every one go home and get as much party decorations as you can then we will all meet up back here. when they all got back to school they just needed to find the blue tack and the pins just when someone shouted I found them so they all got the decorations stuck disco balls to the roof , stuck party lights to the walls, bought snacks from tesco , and even hired a DJ so all they had to do is move the tables. When they had moved the tables they told the DJ to put on the music they told some people to go to other classes and get more kids to come eventually the whole school were at the party. When suddenly the teacher came back everyone froze they thought she was going to shout at the top of her voice but all she said was you can go home now. The kids tidied up their mess got their stuff and bags and went home. When the kids got home they sat down and played the x box 360 all the kids went online and started to play Fifa 13
Gosh, I hope that you would try and save me! Though it does sounds like a fun party.
One normal Sunday morning a boy who wore a big red hoodie, brown shorts and a pair of ragotty old shoes, felt greedy for a snack so he decided to get something from the kitchen, he took some flying saucers from the drore but they started to jiggle and kick and pop then the paket burst. They all started to get bigger and bigger until they were bigger than his house. Before his eyes aliens started walking out of the sweet sugary saucers. the aliens were wearing collars with barcodes on ther feet. he then got dragged up to the saucer and got brainwashed and then he got tooken to another planet called land of the wallibims where others had been captured.
Oh dear, I love flying saucers I had no idea they were real. I hope your main character is going to be ok.
Alone by the sea!!
One sunny day Olly was fast a sleep his mum and dad came in and said WAKE UP OLLY.Then they went through to Ollys little sister and said WAKE UP SOPHIE.Their mum and dad said we are going to Portsoy beach and we are going to be stay in the caravan. So they went to Portsoy caravan site. On the first day of the holiday, Olly managed to get lost. He tripped over his feet on the pebbles and his face smashed off the ground and his glasses broke. Olly couldn’t see to find his family or retrace his steps home. Olly was crouched down sobbing when he heard a strange squeeking noize coming from the sea it was a dolphin called Finn who became his friend. Finn told Olly to jump into the sea and to hold on to his fin, Finn pulled Olly through the splashing waves back to portsoy beach where he is reunited with his family.
This is a good story well done for completing it in the time allowed! I also like the difference between the fin and his name Finn.
Once upon a time in the world of Mincraftia there was an egg called Jason he was just walking about when suddenly an arrow shot in front of him and he stopped
and said ‘Who is out there?’ a voice said ‘My name is Steve and who are you?’ ‘My name is Jason, come on out I want to see you.’ Steve walked out with a wooden sword and said ‘Lets go to a village it is quite big.’ so they set of to the village, when they got to the village Steve said ‘Lets go to the library and look for a book about Notch.’ Jason said ‘Who is Notch?’ ‘He created me and this world and I want to know why.’ said Steve. Steve and Jason looked and looked for an hour when suddenly Steve shouted out ‘I have found it!’ when he turned around Jason was gone! Jason fell through a hole in to a cave and found a door way to a temple and looked in the temple there was a villager sermone one of them was getting sucked up into a portal and said ‘I have been chosen to go to the land of the X Box!’ Jason went on and found a chest full of Diamonds ! Meanwhile Steve had read the book and bought it and found Jason and they went of to find Notch in a cave to get glow stone dust iron and flint. They got the materials and made an Aether portal and went into the Aether! They fought heaps of bosses and they finaly they found Notch! Steve asked Notch his question Notch then answered and Steve and Jason went back home.
What a lot of excitment in one story. I am very pleased that you managed to finish this story. However I would like you to add more description next time.
Monsters in the Cupboard.
Once there was a shy boy called Toby. Toby was very smart but now sad because he had lost his hamster, Patch.
Toby had been playing with Patch, when suddenly there was a loud bang and Patch scuttered away, frightened of the bang.
That was the last they ever saw of Patch. Toby was very sad about his loss, Patch was his only friend and now he was gone.
After Patch disappeared, Toby started hearing scratching at his cupboard. First Toby thought that his mind was playing tricks on him. But then Toby started to get worried, what if it was a monster!
One night Toby heard the scratching again and it was louder than ever. He thought for a second, he climbed out of his bed and tiptoed to the door. He slipped into his mums room and shook her.
“Mum,MUM!” Toby cried. “I heard the scratching noise again.” Toby added. His Mum sat up.
“Tomorrow you are going to spend a night in the cupboard.” said Toby’s mum thumping back down on the pillow.
Toby could not get back to sleep that night. He tossed and turned but he still could not get to sleep. He was thinking about what could be in the cupboard.
The next day Toby slumped downstairs for breakfast big circles under his eyes. Toby could not concentrate at school that day. At playtime he sat in a corner to read Five Children and It. Just before he could start reading his teacher called after him.
“Toby, Toby.” said Mr. Still.
Mr. Still talked to Toby kindly.
“Toby is something the matter” asked Mr. Still.
“No sir.” lied Toby.
When Toby got home he was still worried about the deal he made with his mum.
“Mum.” Toby asked shaking. “Are you sure about the deal.” He said still shaking.
“Yes.” said Toby’s mum, and that was final.
So that night Toby scampered into the cupboard with a blanket and a pillow. Toby was breathing deeply.
I wonder if the monster is Patch? This is a very nice story that is written really well. Well done.
A long time a go a little elf called Bob was strolling throw the woods and he fell in a hole and when Bob was at the bottom he herd a ginormis crack his leg was brocen. Bob looked around he was in a dark and misty town that he’d never seen before.
After that he dragged his leg acros the stony pathway towards the docters. When Bob got to docters there was nobody there. Bob felt sad because he had a broken leg and he wanted to get it fixed, his broken leg was agony and he needed someone to look after him. He dragd his leg back down
Poor Bob he sounds like he needs a happy ending.
The teddy that came to life
It was Alice’s birthday and her dad Simon promised her that she would get a new bike for her birthday. After lunch Alice and Simon walked to the bike shop. Alice walked into the bike shop staring at all the bikes. Alice glanced at one of the bikes. Alice said to her dad ”I want that one” Simon said ok you can get that one. Simon said to the shop keeper can we have the luminas yellow with red stars bike please. The shop keeper said that will be forty pounds. Simon paid forty pounds. Then they both walked home. Lynne Alice’s mum came out of her house and said what an amazing bike you’ve got there.
It was night time and Alice and her brother Tommy brushed their teeth for two minits. After they brushed their teeth Simon tucked in Tommy when Lynne tucked in Alice. Alice made sure her Teddy was right next to her. Alice’s teddy creeped to Alice’s window and jumped out of it Her teddy tip-toed to the garage and got on to Alice’s bike.
One sunny day a family decide to go on a picnic.They packed a banana, tangarine, plum and an apple.They had just got into car when CRACK ! The exhaust fell off. Finaly the friut whispered this is our chans to embark.They saw a open door.They rushed to the door but slam the door shut the exhaust was fixed the fruit ran back to the picanic basket.They where having a picanic the fruit started to panic.All the fruit all gatherd round Bertie bus Bertie is a big toy bus what Brian banana, Tommy tangarine,Pecy plum and Archie apple saved.Ono they were at the picanic site.Archie saw a hole that led to the boot the fruit ran through the hole into the boot.Push said Brian 123 LIFT!.
50000 years ago nobody believed in leprechauns. Most of them had ginger breard and hair and green suits. However there was ne that was a bit different this one had a red bread and a blue suit. He got bullied from a lot of different creatures in fyth land he felt terible about it. One day he felt so bad obout his appearence he stormed of and SUDDENLY he fell throw a portle 2 hours later woke up in a dizzy hazz he had fallen into the reel world everyone looked at him funny they just thought he has something
camaro that transformed
One sunny glorious summer day a teenaged boy called Sam wicwiky was doing his chores to earn money he was saving up for a camaross black and yellow he allready had $1000 the car was $1004 he just needed $4 to go he had finished his chores. And then his mum came into the room she was amazed she shouted sam that is GLOURIOUS then she said here is you 4 dollars then sam was excited he could hardly believe his eyes he asked his dad if could drive him down dad said ok i supose so when they got there he was amazed there was diffrent cars i section dad had a look at the audis he seen the new auditt blue and red.He had wished had $10000 but he had $1020 that was a lot of money then sam cought a glimps of a camaro it couldnt be the black spoiler black rims the yellow cover with black racing stripe then he looked at the side there was a logo on it he thought that was just to make it look cool and then he look at the window it cost $1004 he said to him self this must be a dream he had tried to pinch but no it wasnt a dream then someone came and said how ya doing iam bobby iam the manager of this place what car do you want? Sam asked Bobby sam said i want the camaross black racing stripes and yellow with black rims and spoiler that will $1004 here you go bobby here is they keys said Bobby
One deardful morning 2 boys called ted and toby also mum and dad.they where in the kitchen eating their breakfast .in a rush to get to school and work and the dog wanting out.ted and toby .where fighting .mum and dad where saying stop fighting also the dog was barking no body could here them sefs.but when the neighgor came to walk.the dog so he slip out very quitly he took roobie for a a very muddy walk in the spooky wood.suddley robbie started to barkted what is it robbie a wolf came out and atted the neighbor robbie ran away.he went in the farm beside the wood he went in the stabel in the hay their was loots of pigs hourse cows also chikens. He sleeped the hole day .but when toby ted mum and dad came home robbie was not their ted toby where crying where could he be we are a horrible family. Lets get to a snack then put tea on then we will put you to cubs and we will look for robbie so dad and mum dropted toby and ted at cubs then looked in town their was no sight of robbie.they put posters up all over town the neightbor went back home.first he went to the hostible to if his harm was broken.then mum and dad looked in the wood they found bolled on the muddy path it was raning suddenly a wolf came out they were very scared but robbie was beside him robbie attacted the wolf and robbie won put he was limping.we better take.
One day Zoe gets lego friends for her birthday and she was so happy she decided to go up stairs and start bilding. She loved bilding her lego friends and playing with them, when Zoe went down for lunch and went back up stairs she heard voicise coming from her bedroom, she went into her bedroom and saw her lego friends alive and taking to one a nother, Zoe do you want to shrink down to our size and play with us, so Zoe thought should I or should I not so Zoe said yes I would love to so Ma (one of the lego friends) shrunk Zoe to there size. They all had a play when the evil master (my brother Jamie’s lego figures) who wants to demolish lego city but Zoe and her lego friends wont let them stand in there way.Jamie’s lego figers always comes on 10.00 on the dot, every aftrnoon said Andria. Jamie’s lego figureres want to demolish lego city and make it into evil lego city but we can’t let him do that because we have got anmals so we have to stop them before he reckse lego city, this is our home.
The teacher and I
0ne mornig at school the teacher cept on talking and I pointed a remote at her
then she was frozen then she was so angry
angry that her face was all red and her eyes were on fire so I turned the tv off but the tv whould not go on for a minute but suddnly tv came back on then the chanel chanjed to horrible histories then I turrned up the volume but nothing happened so I faced the remote back to her then she was not frozen but she gave me 5 qonsaqense 5s and I was exkluded a hunddred years oh no I said then I made her frese agin then I turned her back on then I was expeldso I toock my scool bag and went home after a hundred years I came back to scool then we whached horrible histories it was fun but the teacher was talking all the way fro the film then I turnned her off again then I turrned her back on again then I had to do 10000 shetts of work it toock me 567days to do it then I got tierred so I stoped doing it and had a break but she toled me to do more workbut then she went away to say I am expeled for ever oh no so I took my bag and went home.
By logan livingstone
It was a beautiful sunny day in the middle of July and I was doing my usual walk along Banff beach with my dog Hugo.This is my most faverote place in the world.I love the smell of the seeweed and the sound of the waves lapping.Suddenly Hugo ran off so I ran after him he stopped at a little cave it was shinning very bright I walked into the cave and saw something rolled up I picked it up and unrolled it. It was very shiny carpet but not a normal carpet a magical one . Then it started to talk it said”hop on and you will travel to a magical place and you will meet a new friend oh I forgot my name is Boo Boo” so I picked Hugo upand put the magic carpet I jumped on aswel ZOOM!!!
I was dreaming
Johns space Adventure
One day Johns dad invited John to join him on a mission to space.
John said are you an astronaught dad yes can we get on the ship ok . lets Oh no one of the engines burnd out. Bang boom smash. Out in space
they crash land onto planet linx a they crie. Encounter Evil aliens on
planet linx the aliens took John and dad to Jail ho are said you said the
human. I must find some linx rocks to mend the engine so we can get home they all break out and rungo so dad and John got on and set of in to space. They felt a crak.
Well done P5/20 I look forward to seeing what you thought of your stories. If you can, get your family to comment on your story – there is a sticker for those who do.
I really enjoyed reading everyone’s stories. I can’t wait to find out what happens to teddy once she goes on the bike Caitlin. Hope she doesn’t fall off and break her arm!
I think Katie done very well with her story and want I to find out what the next part is
john
Well done Sophie. Will they manage to put Rainbow back together again!
Philip Greig