As part of a class project pupils were asked to mine interesting and unusual words from the classic ; Smith by Leon Garfied.
This is what the winning pupils came up with.
Winner
The Client – By Joseph
It was just another day. You know the usual; my secretary dextrously tapping away at her keyboard; me in the solitary confinement of my office, customary coffee in hand. The tapping came to a halt abruptly and I could vaguely make out the subtle tones of female voices. One was of course familiar to me. The other was not.
What followed was the subsequent tottering of my secretary’s heels and after a few seconds a brisk knock at my door.
In her sanctimonious tone, Miss Lancaster announced the arrival of a potential new client anxious to see me. I agreed and the lady was directed into my office. A little embarrassed I became aware of the rooms musty odour and I turned to open a window.
The lady introduced herself with a slight accent though she was proficient in English. She was beautiful but from her complexion I could detect she was flustered.
Comment:
My winner is … The Client. A crisp and clean short story. The new vocabulary fits well into the story and does not feel as if it has been put there for a class project. It reads like the beginning of a detective novel and already there are little clues as to what might happen next … strained relationship with a snotty secretary, musty room why? A client with an accent ooh exotic… so many questions … great!
Runner – Up
First Day by Jenna
She approached the door with circumspection. This was her first ever job and she had brooded over this moment a thousand times. Indecision of whether to knock or not passed through her. She looked behind her and could see her quaint little house standing sombre adjacent to all the others in the village. She wiped her hands on her livery disdainfully and knocked the door.
An affable man wearing a freshly pressed suit opened the door. “You must be the new maid”, he said gesturing for her to come in, “yes” she replied while looking around the huge hallway decorated with hatchments and paintings. “There is no need to look so peevish”, he smiles, “I’ll look after you”. He led her down towards the maid’s chambers. She blundered down the staircase and almost crashed into him. He laughed as he said “Don’t worry, you’ll get used to the darkness…”
Comment:
The New Maid story is second in my selection. It could have been taken right off the pages of a Bronte/ Austen novel. It was so easy to imagine the scene and it painted a vibrant picture of a vignette of someone’s life… and then there is the ending … pure Victorian Gothic horror “Don’t worry you’ll get used to the darkness.” It’s as if the author has closed the door on the new maid and we are left with only our imagination as to what the “darkness” might hold. Come back don’t go in there!
Third equal
The Present – by Joshua
On Christmas Eve I looked wistfully at the brightly coloured gifts under the tree. The lights from the Christmas candles and the tree lights made the pigment of the brightly shining gift wrap shimmer and glisten in the darkness. All that vexation over whether my mum’s present would arrive had been unnecessary. All the sanctimonious crowing from my sister over my lack of gift was finished.
I had bought my mum the best present ever! My sister’s complexion had changed dramatically; when she saw me briskly and dextrously wraps the immense gift. As my mum prepared the Christmas dinner in the scullery, I could sit back and relax, knowing everything was under control.
Comment:
The Christmas Eve story about the present was a great example of how less is more. It was a short, to the point, succinct and well – rounded story with hints to other unexplored themes – such as the relationship between the two sisters and the warmth of feeling from the writer to their mother… and you never do find out what the present is!
Third equal
Mean Girls by Caitlin
St David’s High is a high school in the west end of Glasgow. Channel, Alison, Brittany, Miranda and Jade think they are in the “in crowd” in fifth year. They strut the corridor with formidable attitude, glaring at the rest of the fifth years contemptuously. Part of their self-confidence comes from their prosperous background. Their sanctimonious attitude intimidates other girls. They were known as “the plastics” which gave them great eminence.
There were five girls in “the plastics” ranging from Channel who was at the top of the pyramid and felt she was unaccountable to anyone.
Next on the pyramid was Alison with her long blond hair and pretty face but her looks belied her felonious personality.
After Alison came Brittany the cheer captain who was very sporty and very popular despite her blasphemous mouth.
Although Miranda was not top of the pyramid you would be foolish to under estimate or get on the wrong side of her sarcastic, quick-witted tongue and shrewd personality.
Jade was the naive, vexatious airhead who impressed the group with her gentry background but if rumours were to be believed her dad’s impressive title had been bought off the Internet.
So, the moral of this story is “ all that glitters isn’t gold, because sometimes it’s just plastic”.
Comments:
Mean Girls brought 19th century vocabulary bang up to date and applied it very successfully – I could imagine those girls… in fact I think I went to school with some of them .. not in the 18th century and you can never go wrong with a story with a moral!
Well done to all the winners.
