Tag Archives: Heteronormativity

This is not a disclaimer.

After reading some friends’ blogs (Kara and Blaze) I decided that it was time to do my own, extremely belated, “National Coming out day” post.

You can probably guess what my main point is going to be, you have probably read a number of blog posts about how straight people don’t have to ‘come out’ and how it is (and it really is) totally unfair considering that the sexual orientation of someone should have literally no impact on how you live your life. Alas it is a topic that is becoming even more relevant with the rise of certain ‘politicians’. I cannot speak (or type) for every member of the LGBTQ+ community and my experiences will be different from the next person’s. What I can speak for is the injustice of the situation.

Having to have a disclaimer prepared for every person you meet must be exhausting. The fear of how they will take it and if it will change the relationship. You have to become a master of timing to know when is the appropriate stage to ‘break the news’ (as if it is a negative). Will they think of you differently? Will they still want to be in your life? Will they even care? I have adopted the approach of not having a disclaimer. It may be that until you say otherwise you are assumed to be straight but honestly, for me, there are worse things to be called. I like the idea of people not knowing until they literally see you in a relationship with someone. I am aware that this is my privilege talking and that for some there is a very real fear of people ever finding out, that their family will disown them or that they might get arrested because homosexuality is illegal in some places.

The reality is that people have a right to disclose this information when, how and if they want to. The most important being ‘If’. As much as I would love for everyone to be able to be 100% unapologetically themselves, I know that society isn’t ready for this yet. It breaks my heart but for now that’s how it is. If we want change then we need to get our priorities in order. We have more important things to focus on than whether I’m gay or bi or pan. Maybe I don’t know yet and that’s okay too. It is not a big deal.