How to be a better digital parent
Technology is a major part of daily family life. So, when it comes to digital parenting, what really matters?
Here are five ways to help your child get the best out of being online.
1. Building resilience is better than blocking or filtering
The most effective way to ensure that children stay safer and make the right decisions online is through confident parenting.
Allowing your child to self-regulate by encouraging their online interests, discussing boundaries and being available for support if they need it is far more effective than tools which just block content.
This is backed up by a study, A Shared Responsibility: Building up Children's Online Digital Resilience, produced by Parent Zone and the Oxford Internet Group.
The study looked at the online behaviour of 2,000 young people aged 14-17. It found that children who were able to self-regulate their internet and social media use were better able to cope when they encountered potentially harmful or inappropriate content online.
It also found that building resilience through parental support and self-regulation was likely to result in children with enhanced digital skills, as they are more likely to seek out new opportunities independently and to develop and express their identities.
Vicki Shotbolt, Parent Zone's founder and CEO, say, “Children need to develop their independence, take risks and find their own ways to cope with things. There comes a point when it isn’t possible to keep track of what your child does online. You’ll be relying on things you taught them early on, and doing everything you can to make sure that you’re there if they need you.”
2. Don't limit talk to 'the online safety conversation'
If a big story about online safety makes the headlines, then you might see it as an opportunity to discuss the issue with your child. But don’t let this be the limit of the conversation you have with them about their online life.
Discuss the adventures your child has online. Take an active interest. Find out what they’re good at and like doing. Make it an ongoing discussion and that safety forms just one part of this.
If your child approaches you about something that has worried or upset them, let them know they can talk to you about it. Explain that they won't get into trouble for making a mistake and that you can help them sort things out.
3. Balance taking an interest with giving them space
In the real world, you can’t always be there to help your children cross the road. They internalise the road-safety messages you teach them and then they learn to navigate journeys safely and independently. The same rules apply in an online environment.
While co-playing your child’s favourite game or organising online activities together might be a good way to explore what they like to do and what they’re good at, make sure you give them the space they need to internalise safety messages, make their own decisions and establish their own identities online.
Our research showed that young people with the space to internalise safety messages and self-regulate their internet activities are more likely to make better decisions in potentially harmful situations.
They are also more likely to acquire new skills and interests, be more creative, engage more in civic activities and develop richer social relationships.
4. Don't be afraid to set boundaries
Giving your child the freedom to explore online doesn’t mean being a completely hands-off parent.
Parental interest and involvement are positively correlated with online resilience. Children who are given boundaries will grow up feeling far more secure, so don’t stay completely removed from your child’s online life.
Set expectations of how they should behave towards others online – whether it's their friends or people they don’t know.
Discuss rules about sharing photos and images of themselves and others. Can they bring phones and tablets to the table at meal times? Can they have them in their bedrooms?
Make sure that these boundaries form part of the overall conversation you have with your child, rather than presenting them with a series of inflexible rules. It’s better to encourage them to use their own judgement based on the boundaries you've helped set out.
5. Screen time: how vs how long
Research shows there’s no ‘one size fits all’ as far as screen time goes.
It's far more important to focus on the context and content of your child’s digital media use rather than the time they spend on screen, as well as the connections they make through it.
When it comes to things like setting boundaries, you could think about the following:
– Is the activity your child doing passive? Is it exciting and adrenaline-filled? Are they being creative? Are they talking to their friends? Are they talking to people they don’t know?
– The age of your child. Younger children may need more limits set to help them regulate how much time they spend on a screen and have that balanced with offline activities. Older children may be better able to regulate or agree to time limits with you.
– Does your child have a healthy balance of offline activities that they do regularly?
– Setting a good example. Parents can help their children by not being intimidated by new technologies, as well as modelling constructive and balanced digital habits themselves.’
Find more parent advice and information in the Parent Zone Library.
