We were just stitting down to dinner when a boy came to our house. I showed him to my room the boy was happy because I was a member of the sports club. The boy and I was practising running. Mum asked are you practising your running for tomorrow. Yes! mum. Where’s my pair of shoes i asked. I thought you put them in your room said mum. I thought you would know where i put my shoes. You should tidy your room. Ok i said. Hey! Boy do you what to tidy my room OK said my boy friend. So we tidied up my bedroom. I’m happy.
Melissa’s 100 WC
September 25, 2012 | 8 Comments
September 28, 2012 at 4:07 pm
Dear Melissa,
Your 100 Wc story is very interesting, Well that stranger boy and you were you two doing soccer? Because I’m very interested in that you two doing soccer. Was he nice ? are 2 friends? 🙂
Have Fun!
Sincerely,
Cecilia
September 27, 2012 at 11:00 am
Hi Melissa
I think you have used a good number of verbs
It is a happy story!
Was the boy a stranger in the story
From Mia 🙂
September 26, 2012 at 6:25 am
Hi Melissa!
Thanks for entering the 100 word challenge!
* You have used interesting verbs – “asked” and “practice”!
* You have used a great connective – “because”!
* You have tried hard to use speech in your story
w: Try to include some adjectives to add interest for the reader!
Hope to see you next week!
Miss Windsor (Team 100WC)
September 26, 2012 at 12:05 am
Hi Melissa!
Your story was lovely, it was a good story, why were you practicing your running? You need to have a look at your capital letters and your spelling though.
Well done!
September 27, 2012 at 11:02 am
We were practicing to get fit.
September 25, 2012 at 7:31 pm
Hello Melissa,
Great Work!
Was this boy a stranger in your story?
In the sentence Where’s my pair of shoes you need a captil I. But everything else is fine well done!
From Charlotte
September 27, 2012 at 11:06 am
Thank you Charlotte for the comment :).
September 25, 2012 at 7:15 pm
Good descriptive paragraph. I like reading vast action stories, do you think you could add some action to this writing?