One of the most important moments in semester one for my professional development was actually at the beginning of semester two when we received our results for the values essay. For me, semester one was full different emotions. In the beginning, I was quite relaxed, I understood the majority of what was said in the lectures. However, it was clouded by the fact that the essay I would be submitting in December was my first university level, academic piece of writing I would have submitted. I was a confident enough writer- when I knew what I would be writing exactly and when the topic of the essay was one that I found remotely interesting. There was a lack of control and uncertainty surrounding this essay which really daunted me, so put me off writing straight away. I lacked an enjoyment of the values essay as I felt like there was little to no link to primary education because of the vagueness and variety of stuff we covered. I was not used to having to make vague connections between my learning and my chosen career path which is probably why I found the particular module quite difficult, although this may be my own fault for just expecting things to be really simple and in black and white for me. However, once I made the connections and started to link what was being covered in the lectures to what may be happening in a child’s life and how, as a primary teacher, I would deal with this, I began to enjoy the module more. This, therefore, pushed me to do further in-depth reading into my chosen area of study and through an extensive planning stage, I felt more confident with what I was writing. It was this uncertainty and insecurity of mine that pushed me to take more responsibility towards my own reading and learning. However, I was doing this to purely get through the module. I did care in some way what grade I received as it was my first academic piece and wanted to make a good ‘impression’, however, by the point of submission, I felt defeated and uncaring towards the essay. I was then very surprised by the grade I got back. At first and as cheesy as it sounds, I thought there had been a mistake. I was reading it on my phone so thought there was an error with my phone and it was only by checking with my flatmates and double checking on my laptop that I saw that it was correct. When I saw the mark, I was overwhelmed by it. There was confusion but there was also a huge sense of pride. I had outdone what I expected to get- I expected to barely pass let alone receive a high grade. After everything had been confirmed, I took a minute to reflect on everything that had led to this grade. I realised that even if I don’t like or find it difficult, I need to carry on with the reading I am set and become a more active learner because if I put the time and effort in I will learn to enjoy what I am doing as I am linking it to what I do enjoy. I have learned about the value of reading, determination, and engagement because of my journey through the values module.
By taking the time to reflect on my grade, I learned about what had led me to success and what I needed to continue this semester. To me, reflection is the process of evaluating what went right and what went wrong and determining what you will carry forward. It has to be highlighted that I am not reflecting on this because I did well, I am reflecting on this because I needed to see what I did well in order to try and continue this on.