Ne’er Cast a Cloot til Mey be Oot

Weel div A mine ma Grunnie sayin yon. Bit the winters is lang in Scotland, an its aye the same; first blink o sun an some fowk’s gaun aboot nae half-clad. Bit ony gate, wi hiv it wrang! Ane o the maist kent mistaks seems tae be thit ‘mey’ in ma title is nae the month ava, bit the blossom o the mey-tree – ‘hawthorn’ in Inglis. Gie it a go; try tellin somebody an see if they dinnae tell ye aboot the mistak.IMG_20150121_170842

Fit ither mistaks div wi mak in Scots? Ony teacher can tell ye aboot the confusion aroon the Inglis ‘how’. Bairns faa hiv Scots o ony kine will answer a ‘how’ question be stairtin aff wi ‘because’. The Scots wird ‘how’ means ‘why’ an aat’s the wye they get raivelt.

A hid a guid ane the itther wik. A mannie hid scrievit directions fir ma. Noo the day afore A hid learnt the wird ‘caur’ meaning twa-three calfies. Ono ma bit paper A wis telt tae gang by the caur shawroom. Wir spikkin motor caurs, ye ken. Bit A did tak a lauch at the idea o shawin calfies ahint gless! Mair o a snorel wis tae come. A wis telt tae turn tae ma caur side. Fit? A wirkit it oot, an noo A ken thit ‘caur’ can mean ‘left haun’ an aw.

Ae time a filie syne (a lang filie noo A think aboot it), A wis experimentin in the kitchen. A telt ma sister A’d made a peanut saas tae gang wi oor maet. She speirt, “Satay?” Aw innocent A telt her, “It wisnae ower sautie – a didnae pit in muckle saut, cis ye ken fit peanuts is like” Foo we lauched!

Mine, we deliberately cause confusion wi wirds aa the time. Puns, they’re cried. ‘Fit fit fits fit fit’ is the aft- spoken joke fir Doric spikkers tryin on sheen. (Which foot (shoe) fits which foot?)

Ma pictur is fir anither pun bit it disnae wirk richt in Scots. A’v a nephew his a birthday on Mey the fourth – Luke Skywalker’s birthday (speir at a fan o Starn Waurs). Aye, its nae sic funny in Scots.

Bit ye ken, wir afa lucky: haein baith Scots an Inglis maks puns an wird gemmes a sicht easier. Gie thon gemme Taboo a shot wi a mixtur o Scots spikkers an fowk wi nane. They’ll get fair raist faan ye can yaise aw the wirdies ono the caird, bit in Scots. So if the heid wird is “Christmas”, eence ye’v said “bubblyjock” yer awa. It’s nae on the caird as ‘taboo’; turkey is, bit nae yon! Chaetin? Mebbes.

Bit is aat nae fit ye love about leids? Playin wi yer maet micht be ‘verboten’. Bit playin wi wirds is some eese.