Fitna excitin! There wis a lion at ma door iss mornin afore A’d even ae cornflake inno ma mou! Nae a rael lion, richt eneuch. It wis jist ma cattie, wintin in fir a haet up. Faan A openit the door, oor Elsie fair dauncit he wis that hungert. Nae cereal fir him, nor yet parritch. He gets Go cat ilka day an tuna ilka nicht. Mine, iss mornin ma man wis makin his peece faan I opent aat door. The ham wis oot! It didna staun a chance. Oor Elsie wid aet ham tae the beat o a drum!