Read the Sound of Laughter by Peter Kay. I’d describe it more like a pie rather than a book. The book is the pastry, with all his favourite ingredients being thrown in. I think if you were a kid in the 70s and 80s then there is so much in here to relate to, that clicks. That’s is its major draw, as well as the fact that Kay is hilarious! I laughed out loud. Lots. Only thing that bugged me is that there are far too many errars and typos. Whoever proof read, well…

Reading – A Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian. Although it’s not really about that! But that does form an interesting subtext and takes on a glue like form to stick the story together. How do 2 middle aged daughters cope when their recently widowed dad marries some young tart from the Ukraine? They too are from the Ukraine but live in the UK. At times very funny, at times poignant. Plenty of drama here for everyone!

Going to read Canoe Lake by Roy MacGregor, for obvious reasons!

(see below!)

Located within Algonquin Park, Canoe Lake is where I spent quite a bit of my time. I could have spent all my time there, never getting tired of the warmth of the morning sun on the dock, twinkling across the wake of some daytripper, or the late night call of the Loons, the only thing to break the stillness… apart from the occasional mad dash of bevvied up folk from the sauna to the water!

As I said, my delectable hostess has a cottage in the park, on Canoe Lake. There are many lakes within the park as a whole, the whole place is massive! It is remote and relaxing. Highway 400 is jammed bumper to bumper every Friday as Canadians escape to their Cottage Life – which is also the name of a magazine fuelling the getaway.

Cottage life, much like Canadian summer life, seems to revolve a great deal around beer, steak and corn (yes, that is a c). This suits me down to the ground! The place is truly tranquil. Apart from the odd 20hp (lake limit) motorboat fetching the messages, the steady clank of rookie canoe paddle on boat becomes gently rhythmic. A typical day might involve a morning swim, a bit of an explore, a moose spot, bbq dinner, late night sauna and dive, plus a couple of shandies.

Part of a visit focused on the artist Tom Thomson, who died (some/most say mysteriously) at Canoe Lake. He had painted a lot of his work in Algonquin Park. There is a totem pole located at his favourite camp site. There is also an official grave, underneath one of the few surviving beech trees. Although the area looks total wilderness, it used to be big logging business, developed, industrialised. But now, happily, most signs of that have gone, along with the original tree populace. Thomson was enthralled with the park, his life and death have spawned many further works.

My last night in Canada was spent at the lake and it was an absolute blast. After feasting on a fine bbq beer chicken, we partook of a few rounds of ‘shoes, journeyed to a neighbours cottage – to use his superior sauna – and I perfected the classic European export, axe throwing, coining the catchphrase, “great axe!”. Bring on the bears! Late night wine fuelled sauna was followed by perfect diving into the lake. Repeat. This was just outstanding.

Toronto is a law unto itself. Like most big cities, it has a distinct blend of cultures. There is a huge Chinese population, with China town being a real crowd puller. The Greek area offers great food and bars. There are of course plenty of attractions here, not least the CN tower. The water front offered a great blend of slow food and fast music, we stumbled upon some hip-hop festival. Main downtown (city centre to you) is easy to get around, streets having been build on a handy grid system – how considerate. The Subway (underground) is very straightforward, fast and frequent, as are streetcars (they are trams!). Some of the best parts, like any city, are off the beaten track. The markets, bars, record shops, cool fashion boutiques, all require some local knowledge. Luckily, we had this!

Life is different here than further North in Ontario. The city (of course) is busy, fast, rushed, cars beep their horns! But people still offer to help you out, there is no litter, and it feels incredibly safe. It is also toasty and humid! I think they could do a bit more to improve public transport links with the airport. It is very much car orientated. But that is just boring…

Our base was Barrie, not the one with the island, the nice one! This seems to be a booming Toronto based commuter town, but just far enough away that you need a big truck for the winter! Well you need a big truck for anything as the place is designed to drive around. Nobody walks anywhere! Seemingly, it hasn’t rained in Barrie for 197 years, well, it felt like it – and the grass looked like it! Our first trip in Barrie was too Hooters – it has the best patio – with great views of… the lake! We come next to one of the running themes of the trip – there are a lot of Canadians who love to claim to rather be Scottish or Irish! Or something like that… Some would call themselves Scottish, having a Scottish Gran, who they’ve never met, they don’t know where she’s from, and has died years ago. But I guess that’s a nice thing in a way, a fairly young country – looking for some heritage, some meaning?

Another stop was Orillia… well the Orillia Beer Festival – sorry the Orillia Scottish Festival. Like a Highland Games without the extreme sports i.e. the things that involve wood or wool! Lots of pipe bands, Highland dancing, competitions, stalls, merchandise, and beer!

The Beer Store is now one of my favourite shops! It is like Argos, but for beer only! There are products on display, but the real good stuff is out the back, magically appearing on a conveyor belt, still chilled! Marvellous. Plus, yes, there is more, you get money for the bottles, like on Barr and Corona (the pop we got as kids). Barr are great though, 20p a bottle! What happens to the bottles, are they cleaned and re-used or smashed up first and re-used?

Orillia is much smaller than Barrie. Seems pretty nice, but there seems to be a large divide between the haves and the have nots… and a large suicide rate… or perhaps it wasn’t that large, it was just our guides knew them all personally!

A highlight for the Big Yun was to see his favourite band in the world ever, at a casino, on their, “We’re just about able to stand up but need the cash” tour. That’s Toto by the way. Yes, aged rockers, with aged groupies throwing aged bras… no, really! It was actually much more of a rock fest than I expected, in true 80s glam rock style, with 4 minutes guitar solos and 2 minute rock drum endings! Didn’t really know much of the set, something something something Rosanna Rosanna, then in the encore, Africa of course! I bet they really hate doing that, as many bands with one big hit must. Surely you start to resent it after 27 years?

The further south we travelled the less flags we saw. Obviously, being on the border, this place has a huge influence from the USA. This is unlike anywhere else in Canada, very touristy, geared for souvenirs and sightseeing. Hotels, shops, specialist attractions, someone seems to love them, the place was booming. The casino is thriving also. They do an excellent buffet, it is a great place to eat – reasonable too! Guess that means customers never have to leave the building, thus they can gamble 24/7!

The falls are the only reason to visit. The Canadian falls are far superior, which must annoy the US (hence many wars in the 19th century?)! The sheer volume of water which passes over the horseshoe is phenomenal. Having been to Victoria Falls, I was slightly disappointed, but the experience is totally different, with no development on the Zambian side. Niagara is quite random, with the bus and train stations in the old part of town, a part which is virtually abandoned. There are shuttles to the new part, but taxi drivers will happily exploit any innocent tourist, giving special guided tours on the way over!

The nations capital. Right up on the border with Quebec. Guess that is why! Next time I want to experience a bit more of the French influence, or whatever the PC term is. Parliament hill is very Londonesque. They even have their own tower in a Big Ben stylee (yes, Big Ben is the bell, not the tower, but I am trying to relate to the tourists!). We were lucky enough to have a personal guide round the buildings – friend of a friend of a friend – this enabled us to skip lines of camera clenching tour groups. Parliament in Canada seems very similar to the UK, with two houses, one elected one there by some other reason! All seems very nice, but then, that’s politics… One of the highlights for the Big Yun was the drive through Blueberry Valley both ways – wild blueberries galore – at wildly low prices! (nice link).

Well, Ontario. Well not even Ontario, a bit of Ontario. It’s pretty massive in its own right, let alone taking the whole country into consideration! We visited Toronto, Ottawa, Barrie, Orillia, Viagara Fallings and Algonquin Park.

We had a crazy busy time meeting lots of people, doing lots of travelling, seeing lots of places. In rehab now! Recovering. First impressions, or early reflections are that Canada is awesome. It seems to be almost perfect. The standard of living is great, crime is low, taxes are lower. The environment is superb, lovely weather, beautiful scenery. People look after it, there is no litter.

I do realise we saw just a certain class or side of life, our hosts are one of just 200 cottage owners in Algonquin Park. From the Park, heading South to the Falls, you do see many different types of life in Ontario. Myself and the Big Yun were impressed with the display of national pride, further north, with Maple Leaf flags proudly flying. This dwindled further south, with Toronto being a law unto itself, and Niagara being USA friendly… I wonder what it would be like over here if houses and businesses flew the Saltire or the Ddraig Goch. There would be calls of racist or nationalist, excluding others. But surely here in the UK we have even greater reason to fly the flag, as we have our different nations and cultures so close together. Scotland and Wales could learn a lot from the way Canada has marketed itself, its national image (I guess much like Ireland). While not making (in my opinion) the best beer, Molson do make great adverts to promote their Canadian brew. This very much draws from their identity abroad.

Oswiecim is the Polish name for the village that was taken over by the German Auschwitz. How can you review a visit to one of the most horrible places in history? Comment, rather than review I guess.

First of all, you can get there by bus or rail for 1/10th the cost of the official tours! We headed there from Katowice, also with the Canadian and Kiwi beach volleyball teams! Nice to see them not taking things too seriously at 17… A change in some seriously Polish sounding place added to the excitement as tourists funnelled from place to place. From Oswiecim station, you can get a service bus for next to nothing, or a taxi for more!

Auschwitz – you can’t say it was good – it was tastefully set up, meaningful, important. Interesting people watching. Those who mulled around in pairs or themselves seemed to take things on board a lot more, being moved and showing respect. The parties with the guides could have been anywhere, stomping rounding with noise and photography.

Nearly every “barrack” here has a theme. The French and Roma ones being done extremely well. Very well set out, informative, moving. You have so much to take in here. Some of the more striking exhibitions (? memorials) are the walls of ID photos, stockpile of hair, rooms of shoes, suitcases and pots. The suitcases were labelled or tagged, names are powerful. The room of artificial limbs stood out too, even though there were obviously less than shoes etc.

Block 11 – the death block has the cells, bullet holed walls, info on torture and death, but also on escape! Astonishingly, even with this extreme oppression there were flickers of hope, with people escaping and ferrying support back and forth from the outside. Amazing.

You can get a free shuttle bus to Birkenau – with its infamous railway tracks. Birkenau is much bigger but hasn’t been developed – which is a good thing. The sheer scale of the place is shocking. You need a day to explore, process, contemplate…

Some of my photos are up, on flickr. There are others, but I’ll spare you!

On our fun filled journey by bus and train across Poland we have been mostly calling at:

Wisla – up in the mountains, a ski resort, Fort William esque – with the gortex, but also with sun! A place the Poles go, not many foreign tourists – nice!

Katowice – why would you? There is nothing here, well apart from the World Youth Beach Volleyball Championships! The teams were staying at our hotel, happy days! The future looks bright for Australia and Team NZ!

Krakow – is a lovely city, but it is getting overrun by tourists. Highlights include Wawel Castle, Kazimierz – the Jewish Quarter, and pottering in the main square. Tallinn is far superior though! Whilst randomly traipsing around the old city, we managed to meet all the Scots who had been at the wedding 3 days earlier. Typical. I also sat down for a drink in Kazimierz to overhear a couple of Valley Boys discussing where to go next.

More details will follow, as well as thoughts about Auschwitz (when I feel ready enough!) and ramblings about budget airlines and the demise of individuality.

Travelling to a foreign country to attend a wedding sounds like a great adventure – and it was! Just getting to the event would have been enough for a Brysonesque paperback, the local minibus system proved efficient up to a point – a point some 30km short of destination. These simple things just add to the adventure, making each journey more and more memorable, especialy for our ageing, sweating, taxi driver who seemed to thrive on the challenge of communicating via written numbers and various hand signals as he admirably helped us find our hotel, with time to spare!

Krakow to Wisla on a Sunday morning is probably not the most common of trips, so it was not really a surprise that after a 2.5 hour journey on the Cieszyn bus as far as Skoczow (relevantly pronounced Scotch-ov!) there was no chance of making the hotel before the wedding coach left for the main event. Hence the taxi – whose driver probably took the rest of the day off, having earned enough Zloty for a week!

A culturally different service proved refreshing, enriching the British norm. A kilted Scotsman was supported ably by a Japanese Kimono wearing Best Man. Incidentally, Best Men don’t exist in Japan! Two Ukranian cameramen, in traditional / national dress darted around the building. The Polish bride was easily spotted – even before the service, chatting in the aisles, fixing flowers, kissing the groom… This was great! Much better than the will-she-won’t-she late arriving British Bride!

Lost in Translation – could have been, easily. The official translator brought everything across extremely well, enabling a smooth running order. To the side, simultaneous Russian translation took place, for our Ukranian friends (comrades?). Gangs of Paparazzi-esque well wishers invaded the stage and personal space of the happy couple on numerous occassions… this act was welcomed by all, hence the frequent repeats!

No barriers here, just an open, relaxed, deep, meaningful, happy day!