At last, a story, well part of one. I really like the way the story so easily lends itself to being continued. This was part 3 of 4, though some pupils really wanted to take it further… (ok, go on then!). We used this as a model example before we went on to write our next pieces, looking at what C should include, what he needs to continue, who he should mention, who he no longer needs to worry about – the beheading seemed to go down well with the class!
I don’t think the class had ever been given the opportunity to write a truly extended piece of writing. It seemed they were use to wrapping things up in one lesson. This led to a few issues about not killing off everybody and finding the treasure on day one, which challenged me to make sure my planning templates allowed for the stories to be continued.
The Adventure Author games really allowed some to imagine what the characters would be going through, what would happen stage by stage, or even level by level, for those who were more serious gamers. Some writers ended up writing more of a guide to the game than a story. Some got a bit fed up and decided to write a totally different story. I think I’m ok with this, especially the later.
I particularly like the word choice in the following passage. We did spend quite a bit of time trying to develop vocabularly, but there are some real crackers:
vigorously, brutal, lunged, pleading, even executed.
Do you have any comments on the passage?
The Outbreak
Chapter 3
I fought the wolves vigorously. It took me about fifteen minutes to kill them all but I was wounded quite badly because Elrond left me to suffer and ran with the crystal skull, I of course followed him after I had bandaged my arm.I found him at the castle gates with two small people wait a minute they were dwarves one of the most brutal race in the world so I’ve heard.
So I started to ask him questions “So Elrond you freak why you leave me to die?” I said looking for answers.
“Save me the sob stories Alex” He replied fiercely.
“ Never really liked you I actually work for the king because he pays me lots and once I place the skull on the altar I will tell him and he will kill you Eh lads” Elrond cried looking like he wants a fight.
“Yeah sir in fact I will kill him now” said the first dwarf.
“Leave some for me” Said the other dwarf.
He lunged at me with the dwarves by his side and I drew my sword battle ready. I fought long and hard and an hour later the dwarves were dead and Elrond was on the ground pleading for mercy and before I executed him he said “The king will see you now ha ha ha” Then I chopped of his head .
I broke into the castle…
Extended writing can be a real challenge and it’s good to see the game providing a scaffold and that all important vicarious experience. I agree that creating a totally different story is fine – the game you create is not always the game you had hoped for, or it can trigger new ideas: both could result in a good new story. Writing a guide to the game is an interesting one – presumably this moves into functional writing, OK in itself, but not if what you want is narrative. It would be good to see some examples of the three types of writing that emerged.
Great to see that the class worked together to develop one child’s work – benefits all round here. I agree about the vocabulary choices, and some lovely phrasing, too. Perhaps a next stage is to go over again, now it’s looking so good, and spot the weaker passages and discuss how to lift them to the level of the majority of the work here. Also, looking at speech layout – ‘one speaker, one paragraph’ is a useful rule for layout, so Elrond’s speech should continue on the same line after ‘fiercely’, making it easier for the reader to work out who is speaking.
It’s an exciting episode which leaves me wanting to know more about the key players – Alex, Elrond, the king – and of course, the significance of the crystal skull! Well done all!