Talking to children about grief and loss
Breaking the news about a death to a child is never easy, but it’s important they know and feel heard and supported by you in the process. Here are some tips to help:
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- Try to be as honest and open as possible about what has happened.
- Use age-appropriate language so it’s easier for them to understand.
- Use concrete words – for example, say ‘died’ or ‘death’
- Dont use using euphemisms like ‘gone to sleep’ or ‘passed away’
- Listen to them – it’s ok not to have all the answers right now
- Answer the questions you can in a calm and consistent manner
- Be patient – they may need to hear the answers several times to process it
- Use storybooks, toys and play to help explain what has happened
- Let them know that they can talk to you at any time.
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You may find the clips below helful:
How do we move forward?
How children understand and express loss will depend on their age, developmental stage, past experiences and connection with what they’ve lost.
Strong feelings can be overwhelming for children. Some might get quiet and withdrawn, while others might express their feelings through challenging behaviours.
Sometimes your own grief will make it difficult for you to support your child. It can be helpful to make time to look after your own wellbeing and seek support when you need it.
You may find this clip helpful:
Here are some helpful links ;
https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/
https://www.thegoodgrieftrust.org/find-support/for-young-people/
https://winstonswish.org/supporting-you/grief-support-young-people/
Adult Supports for Loss, Change and Bereavement
Please see below some supports that you may find helpful if you are experiencing loss, change or bereavement.
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Helplines
Petal Support provides counselling to people who have been affected by the loss of a family member or partner to homicide or suicide in Scotland. They are also providing additional counselling for those who have been affected by a COVID-19 bereavement.
Call 01698 324502 during office hours
Child Bereavement UK – provides support for anyone who has lost a child, and for children themselves who are bereaved. The Helpline is operating as normal, Monday – Friday, 9am – 5pm (except Bank Holidays). Helpline: 0800 02 888 40
Chat via website and email support@childbereavementuk.org
Cruse Bereavement Care Scotland – provide free care and bereavement counselling to people suffering from grief. Tel: 08088026161. Email: support@crusescotland.org.uk Live Chat – 9am – 9pm Monday – Friday
Self Help Guides
NHS Grief Self Help Guide– This guide uses cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) techniques to help cope with the experience of grief. There are also tips taken from other kinds of therapy, including interpersonal psychotherapy (IPT) and different types of grief therapy. You might recognise some of these techniques and some of them will likely be new to you.
Mind Self-Care – Coping with the loss of a loved one is always difficult, especially when it is not expected. It can take time to understand your feelings and adjust after the loss has happened, but there are things you can do help yourself cope. For example, it can help to: “If I knew then what I know now, I would have prioritised looking after my own needs.”
